Hi my fellow Lemmy users! It’s been a while since I used this platform and boy did I actually miss you all ❤️

It’s just that I’ve been more so focusing on myself in my career and in my own education. So I graduated back in June and man it sure does feel like a lifetime ago already. Settled in a good paying job and still trying to improve myself wherever I can.

This brings us to the question that I wanted to ask everyone here. As I’ve been very focused on academics and career stuff I never had the opportunity to date and I’ve been rejected very frequently (which is to be expected as a man tbh). I haven’t been able to lose weight and that I’m 25 years old.

I know that’s still pretty young but I still feel so behind on dating tbh. Is it still too late for me to find someone I want to be with after I’ve lost weight? Does losing weight help for men as it does for women? I’ve been trying to join meetups, volunteering (just to meet new people tbh) and really put myself out there. It’s just idk like all my friends are committed and I’m just floating around life whilst focusing on my career.

  • Track_Shovel
    7 months ago

    Dude, you are being way, way too hard on yourself. Here is why:

    • Your personality doesn’t fully develop until you’re about 26 or 27. This is because of development in your prefrontal cortex

    • The fitness thing can change relatively easily and yes, it will help you. Not only will it help you dating, but it’ll help your lifestyle in general and you’re overall health.

    • There are tons of people that are in the same boat as you within your cohort. I realize that of me feel like you’re dating opportunities are over now that you’ve graduated, but this is just a change in your lifestyle.

    • You are already workinfg on improving yourself which is going to improve your odds on finding someone that you connect with. Your volunteering, you’re doing other things. You are chasing own hobbies and living your life. This also helps

    • Anecdotally, I was in a very similar position at your age. Spend a pile of time working (300 hr months from June to December; 220ish the rest of the year). I still managed to find the right person and now I’m snuggling our youngest while typing this.

    The journey of self improvement is thankless. It sucks. You feel like you’re getting nowhere and everyone is miles out ahead of you. They aren’t, and if they seem like it, it’s because they have made tradeoffs. Comparison ruins our self confidence. Try you best to avoid it. Let what you do on self improvement be because that’s what you want to improve upon because that’s how you envision the best version of yourself.

    Self-improvement is also extremely slow. Same with the dating thing. I realize how painfully lonely it can be to be single, but developing a good group of friends will help. Further, you shouldn’t view a potential partner as something necessary to make you happy or complete. You need to be those things before you even think about getting into a relationship; otherwise you’re setting yourself up for disaster and placing unreasonable expectations on said partner.

    I could go on, but there’s enough there to encourage you

    • @alphapro784@lemmy.mlOP
      17 months ago

      Yeah I am being way too hard on myself as my other comment replies show me that. I’m happy to hear that you’ve made it (gives me some hope lol) and I agree that the journey of self-improvement is thankless. I do have a good of friends that I can rely on its just making this post here can help me hear this or even read this when I’m feeling down. I know that having a partner isn’t something necessary to make me happy. I guess for me its just I am very prone to making comparisons to everyone else and how I am an immigrant to the US has skewed my perception even more so it just you know hits harder I guess when I am unconsciously making comparisons.