(Killeen, TX) As the government prepares for the first public execution in the nation’s history, trump told reporters Thursday that the trend will continue, with a catch. “Next one is pay-per-view,” the President said. “You gotta hook ‘em. It’s like drugs, the first one’s free. Don’t do drugs though, but watch us kill people.”

Human rights groups around the world are condemning the use of public execution, placing the US among such nations as Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, and Iran. The President dismisses these claims.

“We’re nothing like those countries, we have missiles blowing boats out of the sea. Would you pay to see that… I’d pay to see that. I don’t have to because I’m President, but I’d pay $100 to see that.” He would not elaborate further.

At the White House Press Secretary’s office, Karoline Leavitt’s younger, blonder replacement said not everything the President said is literal, and the White House has not yet decided to show their extrajudicial war crimes on pay-per-view. However, republican voters are excited by the prospect - Leo Strubgetter, a Missouri cow detangler, says he is eager to watch boats blown up live. “I’m just worried they’ll use AI to increase the prices for the good ones,” he said, “like McDonalds keeps raising those burger prices when I’m hungry. That’s not what America is about.”

When asked today about dynamic pricing, the President said he would not use the system, and declared Stubgetter “an ENEMY” for using the term AI.