I personally am in a phenomenally stable polyamorous relationship. I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years, and she has had the same boyfriend for about half of that time. It’s a really fulfilling arrangement for all of us in various ways. We’re all genuinely happy and satisfied. I’m kind of casually looking for a boyfriend of my own.
But I feel like I only hear negative stories about other poly experiences. It’s always unstable people and situations. It’s always two out of three people happy at most. Surely there are other success stories out there, and I just hear the disasters because they’re more memorable and fun to tell. Does anyone else have or know a polyamory success story?
EDIT: This blew up a little while I was asleep. I promise I’m at least reading every comment.
EDIT 2.0: ngl I did not expect the trope of polyamory to fix a struggling relationship would be so real. We did just the opposite and are both baffled. Don’t use volitility to fight the volitility.
Everyone always going to polyamory because of a bad relationship in there monogamous relationship is why there’s so much bad negativity about it.
It’s just consenting adults who love each other.
Still have the same drama and problems of monogamous relationships. But more problems and less problems, yet slightly different ,The same with anything
I shall say this though. DO NOT ADD ANOTHER PERSON BECAUSE OF YOUR FAILING RELATIONSHIP. it won’t work. Ever.
I would want to add more but it’s so incredibly much my brain can’t process and type that much.
It’s insane to me that this apparently must be said by multiple people with massive emphasis. We only considered this because our relationship was and still is so strong. We just met really young and have a lot of love to give. I don’t want to lose my wife or have had only one great romance in my life. She didn’t want marrying a woman to mean she would never experience men again. So we share the incredible bounty of love in which we live.
My general rules in a polyamorous relationship. Well guidelines as rules are so just off putting. But as long as it’s consensual equitable and pleasurable for all involved, it’s ok.
I’m a bit older than my wife, but your point rings true - we also met fairly young, and went through some stuff. That’s probably a meaningful part of how and why we are who we are.
Meeting my wife fairly young meant that I got the raw, unfiltered version of her feelings and was able to compare/contrast that with my behavior - and improve it. That led to trust allowing discussion of involving others, and an understanding that neither of us is going anywhere / associated trust.
While I wouldn’t necessarily go to bed with all of them, there are a number of people who have deeply impacted my life in distinct ways, and from whom I have learned a great deal. Hell, I don’t even like all of them, but that doesn’t mean they’re not a meaningful part of my life.
Agree with your take on adding another person to solve problems - always a terrible idea.
My idea of ‘consenting adults’ has morphed significantly between, say, 21 and… my current age. Even the subsets of ‘consent’ and ‘adult’ have morphed. But at the end of the day, honesty is all that we have.
I adore spending time with my wife - whether we’re ‘doing’ something’ together, or doing individual things we can talk about later.
Poly means never running out of topics of conversation, or ways to understand each other.
‘Why her?’ really means 'Our relationship evolves, as all relationship should, what interest you about her and how can I support you?"
That “how can I support you?” question is critical, and we’ve been married long enough that I never doubt the legitimacy of the question.