as always, we’re back. how’s your week going folks
i came out as female to my family and close friends and they have all been very supportive 🥺❤️
The news has been so terrible, and I read so many sad stories, it’s good to hear something positive. Very happy for you.
Side topic, any plans to watch the Eras tour? It’s filling up my TikTok feed and looks like such a blast.
thank youuu!!
I saw her in June it was amazing! Her set alone was like 3 hours long!!!
I hope there’s going to be a concert film 😭
Congrats!! Coming out is never easy or fun.
Congratulations!! I am so happy your loved ones are accepting!
Doing pretty good now, just finally got it confirmed that I have ADHD which is a big relief to know since it means I can be put on medication in the next month or so.
Great news! Heard it can take ages to get a diagnosis, must be a weight off your mind
Yep, it took going for a private place for diagnosis since the waiting list for the NHS for mental health anything is so long so it is a big relief. It’ll be even bigger once I’m on meds and can actually function too.
I found out I have ADHD after I graduated college. And I brought it up to a psychiatrist a long time ago, back in high school. It was relieving and a little annoying at the same time haha
Yeah I wish I got diagnosed when I was a kid, I even had multiple referrals to child mental health services that were all denied due to ‘lack of need’, with the end result being my childhood ruined and me with severe social anxiety and severe depression.
It’s a real-feel of 105 F in Philly. I am so hot. Please, somebody summon some rain.
No, that will just make steam!
Well, on Monday I was informed that I was not being moved to the next round of interviews for the “promotion” I had applied for. This is the third time I have put myself forward at this place - which practically has no paths for growth or career movement. I have been giving myself this week to grieve, then next week I start planning. I’m not desperate to leave, I still like my job, but I will be crafting my next steps. It will be a challenge, which for brevity’s sake I won’t expand on here, so that has me feeling a bit anxious, blue, and trapped, but this is the grieving week. It’s all part of the stew. On the positive side, my spouse is still my rock, and a friend surprised me with her level of support, and I feel closer to her. This is great because I have been wanting to be better friends.
I’ve been thinking about my career too and it caused an argument with my SO the other day. I like where I’m working but I don’t get to do much programming or circuit design, things I went to school for. I just got to one year being here and now I feel like it’s time to start thinking of where I should go next
I should also add that I’m sorry your situation has caused an argument with your SO. You don’t have to give more details if you’d prefer not to, but I am curious, I confess, how that happened. If your current place has no paths for growth or change, then there is nothing wrong with looking elsewhere or finding out what you need to acquire to make that change - whether it’s elsewhere or at the same company. Life is to short to stay in unhappy jobs; I believe it’s what has caused a lot of health problems in our parents’ generations.
A while ago I watched this video about tech careers and it mentioned that working at a big tech company is a huge benefit for your resume. So I mentioned to my SO that I think it’d be good for our future if I can get a job there and we live in California for a year or two. When I caused the argument I brought up California for the second time and just talked about two benefits I thought of at the time. My SO previously told me she doesn’t feel like she gets any say just because I make more money. I thought we were just having a conversation but she felt like I just didn’t care about what she thinks. It ended up being a good chance for me to grow, I’ve been working on improving my communication and I apologized.
One of the issues at hand is this: employers now have things structured where there are only so many roles and only so many people in those roles, and so someone has to leave before you can level up in any way. And even if you can demonstrate that a new role is needed and how you are the natural candidate to get that new role going and grow with it, in order “to be fair”, they have to open interviews because they no longer promote people just on merit, you have to apply for everything. I think that for some roles that’s a perfect strategy, but I think that giving people opportunities to grow based on their performance should also be a thing. Otherwise, you end up in a position like I am in.
This is the third time I have interviewed for another internal role. My boss knows I am seeking to grow. I am kickass in my current role (boss’s words) - so is the other person I suspect was my competition (they tried to play it off as though there were several candidates, but I’m pretty sure it was just one other) - but instead of being rewarded or given a growth opportunity of any kind, I was left the option of competing for the chance to grow. It makes me kind of resent the extra I put in that I didn’t have to because what was the point? The other person did not put in that extra, and they either have the job or are at least going forward.
My boss has offered a feedback meeting if I want one, but I wonder if there’s a point. There is no guarantee of a timetable for another position like this opening up in the near future, and even if it does, my implementation of their feedback won’t make that much difference (I’ve tried that track twice already) because I will have to compete for it anyway, and twice already those efforts seem to have no influence on their decision.
Companies complain about talent leaving, but then restrict all growth to singular paths gated by competition with one’s coworkers instead of a person’s own drive and abilities, even if it was that person’s efforts that showed the need for the position.
As I said, I am grief-staging right now. Bitterness is one, right?
My mom who I haven’t seen in like six years is coming to stay with me for a little under a week. She hasn’t seen me in person since I transitioned but is supportive despite her conservative leanings. She’s also visiting me in here in Portland from where she lives in Texas so there’s a double layer of “everything is okay, the city is not on fire” plus all the new trans stuff she’s going to be asking about. So it’ll be a week of doing my best to be an LGBTQ encyclopedia and Portland advocate while catching up with my mom. It should be okay, but it’s going to be stressful 🥲
I hope everything goes well during the visit! If she’s supportive, that’s already a great sign. Constantly explaining things can get exhausting after a while, but it’s definitely easier to handle when those questions are asked in good faith.
I hope you don’t mind me asking, but as someone who is really considering moving to Portland from the deep south, how is it? It seems like a really fun city, but it’s hard to sift through the propaganda with it being such a target for conservative media.
I don’t mind! In fact, here’s way more info than you asked for!
Portland has it’s problems, no doubt. But in comparison to the south? It’s not even close, you couldn’t pay me to move back (and my job tried lol). The weather is more mild, the people more friendly and the culture more inclusive. The food scene is crazy, so much variety and fusions you’ve never heard of. Afters years I’m still discovering new eateries to try and pretty much every place has veggie/vegan options if you’re into that. Super walkable with awesome public transit (for an American city) that makes it great to get around for real cheap. Hiking trails on hiking trails with lots of bike infrastructure. So many fun shows come to town all the time and the local artists are their own brand of amazing weirdness. Also weird subcultures. I’m going to the Mondo Croquet World Championships this Sunday where you play croquet with bowling balls and sledgehammers. Takes place in Portland every year for 26 years and I just learned about it two days ago lol
Now the bad. There’s some sketchiness with some of the houseless encampments around town, but the majority are just people trying to get by. Don’t berate or antagonize them and you’ll be fine. I was just walking in Old Town the other week with a friend, this is often described as the most dangerous part of the city, and it was fine. A houseless person who was talking to himself saw my Mars Attacks shirt there, smiled real big, and then yelled “ack ack ack ack ack!” So I smiled back and gave him a nod, he was satisfied with the exchange and went on his way. Which is honestly how it goes most of the time. Most houseless people I talk to are just thankful I talk to them at all and don’t ignore them. One dude showed me his sweet rock collection on the train, he was stoked to share with someone and they were some pretty sweet rocks tbh. I know anecdotes don’t directly translate to data but for what it’s worth that’s been everybody’s experience I’ve spoken to that I can confirm actually lives here. If you go to the Portland subreddit for instance you’ll see a lot of claims being made but then dig into the profiles to find they don’t actually live here.
Our police department is the worst. I know everyone says that, but like, Portland Police might actually be the worst. They’re on an unofficial soft strike right now and have been since the George Floyd Protests and only respond to the most urgent of urgent calls. Then wonder why everyone hates them and wants to slash their budget. I could go on for a while there but I won’t. Portland cops suck, real hard.
Housing and rent sucks, but so does everywhere else. So, meh. Although with Oregon rent control I’ve been able to renew my lease and have pretty close to what I was paying in rent five years ago because we haven’t moved.
I didn’t meant to type a wall of text, but that’s a very summarized run down of what to expect. I tried to be completely honest because it’s not a perfect city, but I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else at this point.
with it being such a target for conservative media.
It’s kind of a blessing in disguise because it largely keeps conservative people from moving here so it’s mostly really cool/chill people that move here instead lol
Spending time with friends and watched a thunderstorm roll through a mountain valley last night. I try to really memorize moments like that because when life inevitably slides the other way, those are the things that help me carry on, hoping to be lucky enough for one more of those good days.
Sounds lovely! I love watching a storm move across the sky, really gives you a sense of how powerful nature can be
my first foster dog, chuck, is an absolute angel, and i don’t say that lightly as somebody who is very realistic about a dog’s personality. (my own two dogs are certified jerks, lol.) chuck gets along great with every dog he’s met, loves kids, and the folks at the vet clinic said he just stood there while they did his exam, like nothing was even happening. i can attest to that, as i had to give him eye drops this evening. i’ve only had him about a week, and i doubt i’m going to have him much longer, because he’s the dog everybody wants when they think of a great, chill pet.
currently unemployed, with interviews coming up. Having a lot of fun and relaxing a lot, but funds are dwindling gradually.
I’m bad at self care but I went to the optometrist last week and… my eyeglass prescription doubled. Did you know road signs have words on them? Huh!
Madness. Next you’ll be saying trees have individual leaves and not just big clumps.
Just got through a major pain of a week…moving around places nearby due to work going on in the house plus stupidly busy period at work means I will do basically nothing this weekend and it will be glorious!
My outside kitty ran away for 6 weeks and just came back on monday morning! I was getting into a bit of a depressive episode and had started mourning her, so having her back feels great.
Hooray! Now, when she came back was she happy to see you, or did she just do the cat thing and say “eh, you again”, check out her food dish, and go to bed.
Kinda both lol. She has been very sweet the last few days, moreso than normal, but when she came back I was heading out the door to go to work so I just picked her up, put her inside and left for work (the photo I took is actually from my kitty camera in my living room). She is an old lady kitty though so she sleeps around 14 or so hours a day and doesnt eat a whole ton. Im just glad she is back because her previous caretakers had her declawed and we live on the border of suburbia and rural farms, so lots of coyotes and such linger about
Not that great.
Starting a new (internal) role tomorrow which got me a £4k payrise and is going to set me on a path to chartered accountancy, which is great when just three months ago my employer announced plans to lay off my whole department and outsource hundreds of jobs to India. After escaping redundancy and purchase ledger (I have been working in PL jobs for the past three years and desperately wanted an out), I should be feeling jubilant.
If anything I feel the opposite.
My sadness/frustration comes from the fact that my love life has all but flatlined. I grow sick of trying to use Tinder, Bumble, Okcupid, Hinge and pretty much any other dating app to exist and getting zero matches from legitimate people. I grow sick of being given false platitudes about how I’ll find someone eventually, when I just know that I’m going to go through my thirties still a virgin.
Part of me seriously worries about success, that I’ll soon each the point where I could command a high five figure, possibly a six figure salary, then suddenly have women flock to me not out of admiration but out of wanting my money.
Pretty bad, been feeling depressed for a while now and it feels like this week has been a new lowest low maybe. I made some progress in my mental health this week, along with just trying to enjoy spending time with my SO and not be so down all the time. There are some positives.
Just want to point out that it was perhaps your lowest low this week, and you STILL made progress. That’s a hell of a showing of strength and resiliency!
Thank you for your kind words! I’m hoping next week will be better now that this one is almost done. It’s exhausting dealing with my brain
Trying to get back on track, from literally doing nothing.
It’s so hot outside 😫
