For context: I’m not from a western background. I’m Asian.
You don’t. Love is expressed by things people do, not what they say.
I don’t agree with your premise, love languages are real, and some people, like me, what are called words of affirmation are very important and receiving them feels like receiving love, and when people don’t speak the same love language, an act significant to the giver may not be received and felt as significant by the receiver
@gigachad@sh.itjust.works has a point, though. I agree with you that love is expressed by words, but I also agree with them that words alone are meaningless if not backed by loving behaviour.
Yah. But you realize that someone could simply lie to you right?
My love language is gaslighting my partner 🥰🥰
May be both, but universally, actions speak louder than words.
based on all the questions you’ve posted lately you desperately need to talk to a psychologist. We don’t know your situation, and you need an objective 3rd party with training, experience and a legal requirement of privacy to figure your issues out. Someone you can tell everything to, who won’t share it, and can pick through your perceived and actual experiences to guide towards healing.
I think most parents genuinely care about their kids and love them to the fullest extent they know how. I think it just gets lost a lot of the times because parents are also just people with decades of their own trauma who probably had kids before they really worked on themselves enough. Sometimes they’ll show you “tough love” (read: unkindness) because from reflecting on how they were raised, they think it will be good for you. If you try to understand what their belief system is, you’ll probably start to see how they believe they are helping you.
Ex) My mom never wanted kids, and told me so herself. She didn’t spend much bonding time with us. But she worked a lot in laborious jobs and always cooked us healthy meals even though she didn’t like cooking either. She doesn’t enjoy interacting with kids, but she still loved us by trying to keep us as healthy and financially stabile as possible. This also reflects some of the struggles she experienced when she was a kid dealing with food rations.
Love is something you do, not something you feel.
If they tell you they love you, they love you. But there are many, many different kinds and aspects of love, many ideas what love is. If they tell you “we love you” but you cannot feel or sense this love, you are both using the same word, but not the same idea of love. Or maybe you have even the same idea what love means, but have different ways and needs how to express and experience this love.
The key would be not to doubt their love but to discuss and reflect with them what they mean when they say “We love you”, how they try to show you their love, how they want you to show your love, how you want them to show their love.
Sadly, for most people such conversations are very hard, if not next to impossible. Counseling, mediation or therapy can be helpful, if you’ve got access to any.
This is a really good answer. Even terrible parents generally ‘love’ their children. Some believe that means giving everything they want and never saying “no”, others believe that by bullying their kids they’re “making them strong”. And some genuinely love their kids, but less than they love their career or football.
Fortunately most parents really do want to do right by the kids, and have a more sane idea of what love means. But they might not always express that love in the way the child needs or understands, for a variety of reasons.
This might be paranoia. Try to check with a good therapist.
Nope, post history sais MAGA parents.
No, parents aren’t maga. I was mocking maga from my impression of the PoV of a typical White American household. Sorry if that was confusing.
You don’t. You just wait until it becomes clear that they haven’t loved you and it was all for the drama.
2 things they way they treat you normally and how they treat you when you are at your lowest.
To elaborate a bit more: did they do everything in their power to help and uplift you? Did they like spending time with you? When you did something wrong how did they approach it? What do you think was going in their head?
Like My Mom and father did everything they could do to help me. Even my father is heavily misguided, I chose to believe he was doing/saying what he felt was correct for me. Plus I never felt like a burden or unwanted. This is stark contrast to my SO mother who thinks kids are ball and chain and wishes she didnt have them.
Do they respect you as a person? Do they let you have your own space and life? Do you feel like they are being fair and reasonable with their expectations of you? Do they get mad so they have an excuse to write you off or ignore you?
A person who loves you will always be reasonable towards you and treat you like a human being. They won’t be a perv and go through your stuff or gossip about you. They won’t try to take from you, but fair expectations are fair.
Outside romantic relationships, the vast majority of people don’t have to deal with false declarations of love, so there’s no general method here. If you want to ask about your specific case you’ll need to provide more information.
Most, no (but that also extends to romantic relationships). But there are parents who will tell their children they love them, but also abuse them without a second thought. I’ve seen it myself. In that case, I think it’s pretty clear that they don’t actually love them.
Yeah that’s the thing: They (usually) do. It’s weird and irrational, but people are weird and irrational.
I would almost say the background doesn’t really matter in this case. You (or someone you know) is being told by their parent that they love them, but there is obviously a reason to doubt it. What is that reason? I feel like there’s much more behind your question that you’re dealing with.
Do they sacrifice themselves for you or do they sacrifice you for the benefit of themselves?
There’s a poignant scene in Squidbillies where Rusty meets his “mama” and she was like “Oh i didnt want you to grow up in a home and parent who doesn’t love you, or with her if she couldnt benefit from him in any way”
Her honesty about that is seriously refreshing. I had a mother who abused and used the shit out of us and would moan to make us give her permission to treat herself when her entire fucking life was a treat at our expense
I take some time to myself to reflect, shum, and think about cabbage
How do you tell that with anyone other than through how they actually treat you? Those words are an way of affirming what you already know to be true through some sort of evidence.
In case of my mother: she does not say stuff she does not mean
Father: he is “simping” us children
