Today I had a work call with a colleague who has been mentoring me for a few months now (nothing serious, just someone to ask now and then if I need advice). Around half way through this call, once they had answered my original question, out of the blue and unprompted they asked “wasp, have you considered that you might be neurodivergent?”
From the short conversation I then had, they have noticed that I hyperfocus, I can’t organise for shit, I regularly stop mid sentence and change the subject, and that I bounce between trains of thought rapidly which makes it hard for people to keep up. I was a bit surprised as I don’t work particularly closely with this colleague and while I’m aware that I do these things they have never really been mentioned before, and certainly not attributed to anything other than me being a bit overenthusiastic.
I won’t delve too deeply here, but today has certainly been a day of self reflection. Regardless of whether I am or am not neurodivergent, I have always felt able to pass as neurotypical and today has been the first time I have had anyone question this. Suddenly I’m thinking that maybe I should be taking the possibility of me having ADHD a lot more seriously. The penny has finally dropped that I need to get this checked out.
Any advice on what I should do next? I’ve booked in to see my doctor, but what would you all recommend to a potential ADHD newcomer?
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My partner was also the one who suggested that might have ADHD. It sort of made sense to at least try since I’d been struggling with being “normal” since I was about 8, so I gave it a shot.
So I got diagnosed last year as an adult. Getting diagnosed doesn’t immediately change anything (well, no shit), but it can help you be better informed when developing systems to make your life more functional.
For example, having things you need to do a task close by on hand. By having a small trash can on my desk, compared to just a bigger bin on the other side of my room, I no longer pile up trash on my desk forever before throwing it away once I run out of room.
In regards to medication, if you’ve managed to make it this far and hold down a job like me, you’re likely to be prescribed some short acting medication to start for days you really need to get things done.
I have inattentive type ADHD and I take Ritalin 10mg only on days I need to either get a lot of work done, or when I have long meetings to attend because I struggle to stay awake when I’m unengaged.
Before this was all suggested to me, I honestly thought I was narcoleptic because I was always such a sleepy person when I’m bored. It took having a mutual friend get diagnosed for my partner to realise similarities, and then me getting diagnosed to realise that the friends I attract tend to be “different” themselves.
My parents continue to refuse to acknowledge that I’m anything but neurotypical, which had made my younger years a lot harder than I wished it could’ve been.
The diagnosis just helped me be more aware about the specific challenges I have to face, like task paralysis, or the compulsive filling in I do when a friend pauses too long in the middle of a sentence, or how I struggle to remember things when I get distracted. The ADHD was always a part of you, but now you can find life hack tips that actually work!
Best wishes, from a fellow late-diagnosed person :)
as another middle-aged person who’s been dealing with a lot of the issues both you and OP mentioned - do you have any tips for task paralysis? that’s the one that has had the biggest impact on me (as a former workaholic in particular)
If you’re not always on medication, like me, I try to actively do a few things:
- Set things up for yourself. Think of future you like a separate person you’re trying to help out.
I generally have problems with going to bed on time (it’s still 2:30am, but I’m working on it…), and I realised that I could go to bed more immediately if I brushed my teeth when I took my shower so I wouldn’t get into task paralysis doomscrolling on my bed and either staying up way too late or falling asleep with bad oral hygiene.
Other things is like putting out the laundry basket in the middle of your path the night before so it’s easier to grab it and bring it over to the washing machine the next morning. I use Google assistant to set a timer now so I’m more likely to remember to hang the clothes out to dry. It’s not perfect, but I’ve at least had to rewash my clothes less due to me forgetting.
- Setting a timer and time limit to do a thing.
There’s still that agony of “oh god I have to do a thing”, but on days you really need to get small (but seemingly insurmountable) tasks done, I make a list of all the tasks I need to do, write a number next to the task in the order I have to do it, and then note down roughly how long it takes to do something.
Then, I set the timer, and set it to count down. It provides just a little additional push to start doing things, even if it’s an absolute slog.
P.S. could you tell me more about how your task paralysis and workaholism would impact you? That seems quite interesting
What kind of tasks are you having issues with? For myself getting a proper diagnosis and therapist helped especiallywith the little things. It was getting medicated that helped a lot with larger tasks. I remember the first day I started on it, I had just stepped outside to get a package and saw a part of my yard full of weeds that had bothered me for about 2 months. I set down the package and pulled the weeds and continued on my day. There was no more fighting my own brain to get tasks done.
Thank you for this - I can relate to this and it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone!
Especially with parents. My parents are, in my opinion, both textbook cases of undiagnosed ADHD (especially compulsiveness and hyperfocus). Yet they are both against any form of label that might define you as “different”. Not in an oppressive way, more a "Does it matter? You are who you are regardless” way. It’s probably not been helpful for them or myself and may explain why I’ve always tried to ignore signs to “be normal” and not ask for or seek support.
are you me? I sort of recognise my own patterns in your description.
also wanted to get more info on the topic and looked up wikipedia. the banner made me chuckle.
Talk to a doctor about this.
You got yourself a good colleague here. Seriously there are so many bad ways this conversation could have gone. But also the only type of person who asks someone if they’re neurodivergent is another neurodivergent person. From what I understand neurotyps tend to interpret a question like that as offensive. Like they’d have to be a super ally, down with the neurodiversity movement, has a kid, partner or close family member who’s neurodivergent type of neurotypical.
If you are neurodivergent then cool, enjoy the journey in rediscovering your identity. It’s important to know that our capacity to function can be context dependent and relative to the supports / systems that we have in our lives. You may feel like you’re doing fine now but there may be a point where things change and your capacity is reduced. This is where knowing you’re neurodivergent can be helpful because it can be useful in developing self compassion and negotiating your support needs. Or maybe you’ve built up all of these coping and management strategies that work for you and you’re able to just keep on keeping on. Either way it’s always good to learn more about yourself.
Yes, they are great - they are quite vocally neurodivergent and thankfully I’m in a company and culture that is very supportive, accommodating and open about these things.
I think, even without any diagnosis, having this conversation has made me think “hey, maybe I don’t have to be so hard on myself” which, regardless of whether I am or am not neurotypical, is probably a positive train of thought to be having!
You may feel like you’re doing fine now but there may be a point where things change and your capacity is reduced. This is where knowing you’re neurodivergent can be helpful
Thank you for this! My GP doesn’t think I have ADHD because I can hold down a job. He asked me at my last appointment, “So, you still want to try and get on ADHD meds?”
I didn’t know how to word that I don’t just want a diagnosis for meds. I want to know what I’m working with so I can get whatever help I need, when I need it.
In some ways I think it really sucks that medical professionals get to be gatekeepers of our identity in this way. Which is why I really dig the neurodiversity paradigm because it gives us a way of exploring our identities as identities rather than just dsm labels. People who don’t understand tend to assume that we all just want to label ourselves for the sake of it. But identity is a complex thing and having an explanation for why you’re different from the norm is very powerful.
Knowing that you’re neurodivergent also allows you to explore ways of structuring life around that. For example, there are a range of non-pharmaceutical options for managing adhd. And they often work best when tailored to each individual’s needs. There’s also the benefit of knowing what your strengths and limitations are (all people have these regardless of adhd). Another key thing is also being able to find your community! This is something that a lot of people really underestimate the significance of.
If you don’t feel like it’s affecting you negatively then don’t worry about it too much. Also, I’m sure there’s more to the story but from the context here I’d be a little put off if someone mentoring me asked me that. You don’t seem out of so I’ll trust your judgement that it wasn’t in a ride way. Other than that, all I can really say is talk to your doctor.
Well, it was more of a “we are assigning you a mentor as someone to help you keep you on track and be organised” sort of thing…
But my mentor has been good. They’re definitely not afraid to give constructive feedback to say the least!
I had a colleague at work, who I’ve barely known a few days, recognize something and ask “are you autistic?” out of the blue. I had just taken diagnostic tests and figured that out for myself the day before.
I have to ask for my own theory, is this colleague also on the spectrum?
They are neurodivergent, yes. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were autistic (as well) but I haven’t asked. I’m not going to pry; either way they’re lovely.
I have a running theory that those of us who are neurodivergent ourselves are much better at seeing it in other people, kinda like a gaydar but for other divergents.
FWIW it mostly depends on if you have anything else going on behind the scenes besides the ADHD.
The biggest thing you can do is be completely honest with your GP and get a referral to a psychiatrist. I’ve always had great actual coping mechanisms for when shit really hits the fan. CBT was something I had already looked into myself and worked on. I’ve always been the person to have my life and shit together, but it took waaaay more effort than anyone realized since I mask -relatively- easily.
It was pretty much immediately start medicine and go from there. Yeah, the antidepressants (SNRI/SSRIs) sucked ass and I’m no longer on 1st lines which is honestly the biggest issue people have with meds. I actually asked for Ritalin first since I heard about Adderall abuse, but Adderall >>>> Ritalin.
I’ve pretty much always known I had it, my mom said teachers and my school said I had it, she refused to medicate anyway due to the 80/90s OVERMEDICATING CHILDREN hysteria. Wonders why I always had issues finishing stuff that wasn’t games. Oh hey, executive dysfunction is a thing!
Got diagnosed as an adult @ ~30. Took about 2 years to get a decent medicine regiment since we were also treating some panic disorder due to being a functional alcoholic too. Mild-Moderate depression mostly manifesting in numb/stoicism with some GAD. FWIW Naltrexone OP for the booze. It’s cut my habit down by an extra $100/mo.
No joke though, amphetamines are like day and night for me. Similar to Leilys above, the tiredness I used to feel from morning to night basically vanishes. While I do take ~6 pills, the only real ones I take for ADHD is a pretty high dose of Adderall or Vyvanse (generic please hurry the fuck up) and Clonidine for fidgeting and offlabel to help sleep. A huge part of the high dose was due to the alcoholism and a regular cocaine habit so I process it pretty quickly compared to most lol. Oh yeah, Naltrexone helped for that too. Haven’t had white in like a year?
Medication really made a huge difference in my quality of performance in life. No more embarrassement about being unable to help dozing off in meetings and looking like a fool. I’ve microslept at the wheel several times before and medications completely eliminated that. It’s the only way I’d reasonably trust myself to do long outstation drives.
Although, I do have a story about the first small road trip I did with my partner after being prescribed. 3h drive both ways, and both times I only remembered that I was supposed to take my medication (on an empty stomach) halfway into my meals. I still made the drive with support, but it was a lot tougher than it needed to be, lol.
I make a lot of jokes about medication since I take it now but I do have an underlying fear of developing substance addictions, so I’d like to look into psychotherapy to develop even more unmedicated life management skills when I can afford it.
Gosh, I can relate with the depression though. I think struggling with symptoms of ADHD pushed me into depression. I used to have outbursts and crying meltdowns as a teenager, but it stopped when I went into university and met supportive friends. But my mood cycles and occasionally I can get very fixated on negative thoughts that will just drain me and ruin my day. Been considering medication, talked to my psychiatrist (who also has ADHD and understands) about it, but haven’t started yet.
Honestly that 80/90s scare did a doozy on most GenX/Millenial underlying mentals on how they treat or medicate. Medicine is literally medicine. Not a crutch, not something to be scared of. If you’re not scared of the literal food you eat or the water you drink, then you shouldn’t for meds either. It’s a necessary thing for us mostly because of scumbag genetics and probably some environmental conditions. I do hope you’re actually happy with either route you take.
Yeah I’d still say I’m fairly stoic/quiet, but I at least have all my emotions now. I’m confident I used stoicism as a counter for the ADHD as a crutch for focusing. Unfortunately it was very much like going through life like the scene in Fight Club where the Narrator could barely hear his boss lol. Sure things mattered, I did stuff, but I didn’t really feel much of anything when going through the motions. I had good empathy for others, but not for myself. I just didn’t care about shit. However, I was never suicidal and never will be probably. Too scared of death and FOMO.
These days? Have a toddler, another on the way sooner than later. I leak all the time watching shit lol.
I’ve heard a good analogy before that so many of our emotions are like a filled glass of water. Someone with depression like mine always had the glass half full so unless some CRAZY amounts of stuff happened, the glass would never overflow. Others, it’s ALWAYS about to spill over. For most healthy people, it’s filled, but there’s still space at the top. Sad stuff should be able to make you sad and poignant things cry. Mad things shouldn’t let you be a dormat forever, but they shouldn’t instantly make you pop either. That glass has felt APPROPRIATELY full after meds.
I’m sorry to hear about a lot of this. There are other things going on in the background, yes (who doesn’t have baggage, right?). All I can say is long term therapy does wonders and fortunately I’m in the best place that I’ve ever been in.
I’ll have the conversation with my GP, but at the moment I don’t think I want to be on medication if I can avoid it. I’ve just shaken the SSRIs and I’m not super keen for any more weird side effects!
I don’t have anything to say but be careful with the medication. Take them seriously.
I’ll have the conversation with an open mind, but at the moment I feel that I’ve been managing fine without medication so I would be hesitant to be on anything. But yes, drugs are to be taken seriously.
I mean maybe but that is not a thing you say to somebody who isn’t a very close friend or family. That is not a line I’d ever cross with a coworker.
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Yeah, it’s definitely something I wouldn’t say to a colleague. It could be taken the wrong way and thar be HR calls. But for me in this case I really don’t mind, and maybe it’s what I needed to hear.
