I feel like I’m def the asshole here, but I dont know. Me and my roommate K, have been roommates along with her two partners, things have gotten really bad between me and K to a point where K would yell at me a lot cause I wasnt doing house chores when I would get depressed or overwealmed. It got to a point where K is now kicking me out and the only thing I got offered was a mutual friends couch in a different city. K says I’m horrible and I’m playing the victim card, and I’ll never get better, and I could of just googled everything ive been trying to go to therpy for it and I focus on clinical stiff to avoid the turth thay I’m just choosing to be a horrible person. I honestly feel like I should jump off this really tall bridge in my city and I keep thinking about it, I doubt anything in my life is gonna improve, the only real thing on my bucket list at this point is trying heroine, and hoping to overdose from it. I just dont want to live anymore, there’s nothing for me. I have a useless IT degree, no friends, no family, I legit have nothing. I have BPD from years on childhood abuse and neglect, I’m autistic too and can’t adapt to living in a world that isnt built for me, ive never done anything of note with my life. I did the math and bridge is definatly high enough to kill me, its also realtively dead at night. I plan just parking my car, emergency flashers, places my ID, keys and a note on the passenger seat and walking uo to the railing and taking one last look over and falling. I might get really high before I do it. I just keep feeling like I will never get out here, no one will ever love me again. I just stare at my phone and there isnt even a single friend I could call that would just listen to me, and hahg out with me and make me feel okay. I have online people but admittly it doesn’t change the material reality I’m in.