i really like being with other human beings and it weirds me out how complacent westerners are with being alone. theres this talk about ”self love” and sure you should be nice to yourself and have self worth but that will never feed the primal need to have friends. they talk about enjoying your own company but company is being with others so to me it sounds like an oxymoron. i even see westerners talk about how you dont even need a friend group and having one friend is fine. i made a list of 25 things i want to achieve before 25 and one of them is a stable reliable friend group (and being a reliable friend in return) and i dedicate myself to humans a lot. i read more books now because its not just words on a paper but somebodys labour and thoughts. i started doing things for people and even when i dont get something in return i feel fulfillment.
Yes, talk about it. 👏🏿
My dad was a narcissistic, abusive piece of shit, so I had to learn how to love myself, myself. I had to learn that my needs do matter, and that I don’t have to do anything in order to have them be fulfilled. Having to claw my way up just to reach the baseline of “I’m a decent person who deserves respect” took a humongous amount of effort, and even then I’m still struggling with it. But I wouldn’t have been able to get that far without discovering that love for myself and having a healthy relationship with myself. That also takes work, just like any other.
Yes, both parents were selfish with outright narcissistic tendencies. Part of reparenting myself was recognizing that that probably stemmed from their own childhood/young adult trauma, and forgiving them their own weaknesses. That doesn’t mean boundaries haven’t been set.
Again, my love is unconditional, access to me is not.
I hope you are in a better space now, Comrade.