I finally filed for divorce from my abusive wife recently. I believe she might be a clinical psychopath at this point. She picked a fight with me on my 40th birthday the other day and this ruined the time I had with my daughter. She did things like this constantly.
I just feel like she has finally completely broken me as a person…I now am unsure if I can get better. I will stay alive for my daughter’s sake, but some days I really don’t want to be.
I have no real resources. I have no money. Most therapists I’ve seen have been terrible. Most people I talk to don’t seem to believe me that I’ve been abused. I just cannot take this anymore.
I finally got on a couple dating apps to see if that made me feel better and it had totally the opposite. It set off a very bad downward spiral.
I feel like I have a lot to offer. I’m funny, kind, smart, a talented musician/artist, I think I’m handdome even (can’t post a pic obviously), but no one seems to care. It’s like when I put my confidence to practice I get rejected and reminded why I shouldn’t have any.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get better.
I think the dating app thing is a very common experience. I’d stay away from them until you’re in a better place at least, if not entirely. Unfortunately it seems like the denial of abuse is common too but idk if I have anything meaningful to say about that besides “wow that sucks, I’m sorry.”
I feel this pretty hard. And I’m not even particularly talented lmao. I know this doesn’t make it feel better, but it’s not you, it’s society. I mean yes, there’s just meeting the right people and stuff too, but the current trajectory of society is so alienating, and treats everyone as so profoundly disposable and interchangeable, that I don’t know how anyone manages. Many if not most people I know are struggling in similar ways.
To quote… someone, idk, it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. Solidarity, friend