Not as though I do any other kind but it still fucking sucks, play by play, this is what happened:

I spent a good hour curating my basket and got ready to check out. I had the option to check out as guest or log in to my existing account.

I got a bad feeling about this site in case I lost my entire basket, this has happened often enough that it’s something I now feel nervous about, but it will probably make returns easier, better log in to be on the safe side.

That’s weird. Seems I already have an account, but no password to be found. No matter, I go to reset it.

They send a reset email, I follow the instructions, reset my password, and it asks me to log in again. Alarm bells start ringing. I ignore them. I click log in.

Session expired.

All my shit is gone.

I fucking knew this would happen.

I furiously cmd + shift + T and add all my stuff back, but I only have half the items, seems I hit the tab history limit. Fucking killl meeeeeeeeeeee.

Then I spend another half an hour pain stakingly scrolling through my history and re-adding each item one by one until finally I’m done, ready to check out again. So I go to checkout.

I see the option to register for a premium account and get free next day shipping and unlimited free returns. Interesting. I figured I was intending to return a lot of this stuff anyway, and I need it soon, so for a few extra quid why not.

As soon as I added premium to my basket and went to pay, it asks me to login again. Jesus Christ not this again. I quickly open up all of my shit in other tabs, just in case, but it doesn’t happen. Actually what happens is all the shit I added originally is instantaneously retrieved from the ether, and now I have double of everything. That’s not the worst that could have happened, at least, but I wish I could get that half hour of my life back.

Then I see the option to pay later by Klarna. Nice. As I said, probably going to return a lot of this stuff, so may as well buy now, return what I don’t want and pay the balance.

Klarna opens a new window, and nothing loads. Fine. I’ll pay by card. Let me try the Amex.

Payment declined.

Bullshit, I watched you, you didn’t even try to take the payment. But whatever. I’ll try again with another card.

Payment declined.

Fuck you, I know you didn’t even try. I know I have money. Probably my shitty furry browser being shit again, so instead I open Chrome and go through all this again.

I log in, go to checkout, figure I’ll try Klarna again, and damn. Klarna is registered to my old phone. They want me to take a photo of my face and upload my driving license to reset it. I don’t know how long that’s going to take. I can’t be fucked. It’s 11.30pm now and I look like complete shit. Let’s try my cards again.

Payment declined. Try the other one, same thing. Shit. Guess it’s Klarna then.

I go through all the 2fa again, take a photo of my driving license, take a photo of myself looking like Ted Kasckinski and wait, and thankfully the whole thing clears in like 2 minutes. God damn though, this shit took me over an hour.

Anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk.