Getting Windows RT 8.1 to Download Updates from a Clean Install
Update 2 and TLDR: The solution that fixed error 8007000e on my Windows RT 8.1 Surface 1 is at the bottom of the post. Follow the instructions carefully.
Now some editorializing, feel free to skip to the instructions:
I’m always irritated when I clean-install Windows and have to figure out why Windows Update is broken this time. This is a problem for Windows 7 and Windows RT 8.1, not to mention long-forgotten Vista.
Of these, RT may be the worst. Windows RT on Surface 1 is locked down hard. It can only install some Windows Store apps, and nothing from the internet. It can’t even go onto the Microsoft Update Catalog website because of… processor incompatibility? The 32-bit ARM processor is naturally incompatible with most software you’re accustomed to using, including Chrome or Firefox (not even Edge). Microsoft also has no intention of releasing a 32-bit ARM version of Windows 10 (which a clean install often breaks locked-down OEM OSs), so support will probably run out next year.
There’s hubbub about x86 and x64 emulation for ARM-based Windows. Don’t get your hopes up, that’s all for the ARM64 Windows 10 version that isn’t public yet.
If I can fix the error, my Surface 1 tablet ought to meet my current needs as a study tablet if. Windows 8.1 turns out to be a pretty competent tablet OS, I really like the split-screen feature. I prefer Win10, though, because immersive apps irritate me. Win RT 8.1 came with Office RT 2013, and it does a lot of the regular things I need it to, but I’m disappointment that it can’t do more. With no 32-bit ARM versions of Zoom or Teams, the end-of-usability for this study tablet is within sight.
Update: A rando posted a comment on a Microsoft help forum with the direct links for the files to fix Win RT’s update problem from clean install, just a few separate standalone updates. It fixed my update problem.
It’s always randos that have the answers, never Microsft. Microsoft’s “solution” for RT’s broken Windows Update is to go onto your Windows Update app and download the latest updates. That is their unironic solution, even labeling it a “workaround”! Microsoft “helpfully” insists that these updates can only be downloaded via the Microsoft Update app.
I’ll share the update links here when I re-find them. Reddit seems to be the Google-able repository for fixit info, so think of this as an archival post. With the updates, your Windows Update should work correctly and your tablet can update, until support ends.
Update 2: Here’s the useful comment, posted by OvidioPR on 10 April 2020 and edited for Reddit:
I downloaded all of the following packages and installed them in this order, turning wifi off before each install:
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Download and install update KB-2919442: http://download.windowsupdate.com/c/msdownload/update/software/crup/2014/02/windows8.1-kb2919442-arm_506ed7113697c597c2859d295d562fa4311834ec.msu
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Download and install update KB-2932046:http://download.windowsupdate.com/c/msdownload/update/software/crup/2014/02/windows8.1-kb2932046-arm_fe6acf558880d127aef1a759a8c2539afc67b5fb.msu
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Download and install update KB-2919355: http://download.windowsupdate.com/c/msdownload/update/software/crup/2014/02/windows8.1-kb2919355-arm_a6119d3e5ddd1a233a09dd79d91067de7b826f85.msu
Reboot when asked to do it
- Download and install update KB-2938439: http://download.windowsupdate.com/d/msdownload/update/software/crup/2014/03/windows8.1-kb2938439-arm_4a536d9ddcd9993cbe4fbc309ebd50a18d65f954.msu
Reboot again
- Download and install update KB-2937592: http://download.windowsupdate.com/c/msdownload/update/software/crup/2014/02/windows8.1-kb2937592-arm_860c83a0cccc0519111f57a679ae9f9d071315e5.msu
Reboot again
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Download and install update KB-3173424: http://download.windowsupdate.com/d/msdownload/update/software/crup/2016/06/windows8.1-kb3173424-arm_e11b6837c0586d2b8d887f3bc33b3372fe83c8c7.msu
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Download and install update KB-3172614: http://download.windowsupdate.com/c/msdownload/update/software/updt/2016/07/windows8.1-kb3172614-arm_3d918d6c809bf6f57c8fcefa5db5c739e1754426.msu
Reboot again
Turn on wifi and search for updates.
This worked perfectly for me, be very patient as some of these updates take several minutes to install.