I think that this video has helped me develop some insight on how to spot high-masking autism, not just among women. I found a lot of the material covered in the video relatable even though I am male. Maybe that has something to do with our elevated rejection of established gender roles as a whole. Regardless, I like how rather than listing concrete signs, he gave a list of patterns that would be common to masking autistic women (I believe all genders, really) in a manner that could still be easily noticed. This also helped me understand that the cause of some autistic traits are not fundamental, but rather a result of masking. 🤯
Aside from the signs of masking autism, the ending hit me emotionally. He validates something that no one has really validated for me. I’ve been told my entire life that I was too much, not enough, or purposely trying to violate rules and norms out of some moral or character failing. It’s like I wanted to be careless/offensive or a loser. However, when he covered how much effort we put into masking and that it takes a lot of energy to do, I felt a validation I don’t remember ever experiencing. It’s like someone said, “I believe you’re doing your best.”
He also elaborates on the impact of when we tell someone that we’re autistic or have difficulties in certain areas and they invalidate it by saying that we’re not autistic or that we function normally. He then posits that when we unmask, we need others to validate that experience. I think that statement was not only directed at us, but others that have autistic people in their lives. I plan on using that to guide who I continue to allow in my life. If I need to mask or am invalidated by someone when I unmask, then they’re not a good fit for me, so I will interact with them less.
This is not correct. A “neurotypical” (term is terrible, there are good reasons) does not “mask” in most situations. They are simply using their own personality. People with autism have this nasty habit of trying to find “the correct answer”, which is something that simply doesn’t exist most of the time. If a normal person is masking, it is likely that they are doing so because they are still trying to maintain some image of civility.
The other part of this is that a question with no correct answer, however, still has wrong answers. If someone asks you what you are doing this weekend, “researching goatse” is a most certainly a wrong answer. All of this is dependent on the other person. In the case of a random person, it’s easier to just leave out everything longer than a single sentence, which is why talking with strangers always feels oddly hollow.
Example
It is true, though, that an average person doesn’t have to think about every sensory input. That’s the only real high-level difference. Most people are also incapable of focusing on more than one task. It just seems like multitasking or speedy processing because they can drop tasks at a moment’s notice. For someone who actually does have hardware multitasking, high process speed, and acute sense of time, interacting with an average person feels like an eternity. If I had to fancy a fat guess, I’d say this is why people with autism seem to prefer online interaction – because there’s no timelines for said interaction, and the lack of the information that they have to track makes interacting much faster.