There’s some guy I talk to who believes the theory that the top 20 percent of dudes get 80% of women, and that because he doesn’t have a brad pitt jaw and isn’t 6’ +, he might as well just hate women because they’ll never like him anyways.

  • AntiOutsideAktion [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    20·
    2 months ago

    Depending on how you define it, me. I’ve never felt good enough to be in a relationship and I’ve deeply internalized the idea of ‘don’t bother them if they wanted to talk to you they would’

    • FearsomeJoeandmac [he/him, he/him]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      15·
      2 months ago

      I’ll let you in on something you may or may not be aware of.

      Fwiw in the US and other western societies, men are generally expected to make the first move. So don’t sell yourself short. Especially if you’ve caught them checking you out or staring at you.

      Go up and say hi, introduce yourself and feel things out.

      You won’t know if they want to talk to you if you never try man

      Edit:Man is expected not the woman

    • MaoTheLawn [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      13·
      2 months ago

      if you’re really a leftist, you’d have to be somewhat compassionate, generous, empathetic, and understanding. That makes you a better partner than a lot of people out there.

      Being into politics also shows a level of intrigue in the world that a lot people really just don’t have, and it makes for good conversation and an interesting personality (to those who are also politically inclined).

      That matters a lot. When you’re younger, you fuck people because they’re hot. Quite often the personality isn’t quite there. As you get older, you realise that it’s just not worth the boring hours of conversation for sex where theres no chemistry (because youre not truly comfortable with each other). If you’ve got banter and things in common with someone that you’re passionate about, sex and relationships can feel like they’re just destiny. It just happens, and it feels right, because you’re genuinely connected and enjoying someone’s company.

      I mean seriously, a sizeable number of guys still expect women to cook them a meal and wash up afterwards every day.

      Anyway if you’ve got a stern or disinterested look about you (which you will have, if you’re clocked out), no one will come up to you. Like, I’m an attractive guy, I put a fair bit of effort into how I look, but if I go to a party I don’t want to be at I’ll stand there with a stern face wishing I was somewhere else. No one will really come talk to me. If I’m smiling, dancing, or even just being chatty with people, I’ll get hit on a lot. It makes a world of difference.

      • RyanGosling [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
        3·
        2 months ago

        That matters a lot. When you’re younger, you fuck people because they’re hot. Quite often the personality isn’t quite there. As you get older, you realise that it’s just not worth the boring hours of conversation for sex where theres no chemistry

        I keep hearing from people that “it gets better when you’re older.” But i don’t have the patience to wait 10-20 years for it to “get better” lol. I rather mindlessly fuck hot people than to not do it.

        • MaoTheLawn [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
          2·
          2 months ago

          I don’t mean 10-20 years. I mean I’m not even 25 and I’m with someone who wants more than to fuck around. There’s plenty of people like that out there. Millions of people get into relationships when they’re not even 20, even if it’s only for a year or two.

          If you want to mindlessly fuck hot people, then you must become a mindless hot person.

    • BeamBrain [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
      9·
      2 months ago

      Being autistic, I feel this so hard.

      CW: Ableism

      For all of my life, society - including many “left” spaces - has drilled into my head that I am repulsive, I am undesirable, I am an inferior class of human being whose very existence is an imposition on those around me.

      It is, to put it lightly, not a recipe for confidence in approaching women.

    • RyanGosling [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
      3·
      2 months ago

      Well, if you don’t believe they’ll ever reciprocate, then what’s the harm in saying hi? There’s no pressure if you already know the outcome. It’s like a fixed sale vs. a flash sale.