This year they came out in droves, to the point where their sound was ear-splitting and drowned out most of the cars on the major road I live on. The sound is one of the worst things I have ever heard (intense bug phobia)… so yeah, fuck everything about this.

My man, you gotta know that word was banned by the Social Decency Act of 2407.

I’ll be real straight with you, Chief, I already shit my pants for the thrill of it before making these comments.

I have so many questions, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want the answers.

Okay wow, I can’t believe you actually used the Y word, and I will shit my pants if mods do not immediately ban you for a thousand years.

Man, I am so sorry this is your situation. I won’t pretend to really know what advice to give you, other than you should contact adult protective services and see if they can do anything since you are a vulnerable person (aka disabled).

Again, I don’t know shit from fuck, but that’s where I would start. Idk if the cops would take the threat seriously or not, but you might be able to file a restraining order.

Ironic that he’s an actual fucking billionaire at this point.

My best argument is that it is feasible Jon has a small office he rents, which would give him the freedom to sometimes stay home instead. I have a buddy who does something similar.

It’s a turdoggy lmao

Sort of heartwarming tbh. Sweet little lovecraftian horror.

Honestly, I’m afraid of how complicated it sounds and have no idea where to begin.

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Now I’m not some fancy science-man, but I do reckon that an impact of that magnitude would propel massive chunks of Earth debris in every direction at incredible speeds. Odds seem fairly well even that you’d get your own little impact death pretty well soon after.

Aw man, you’ve never been broke as fuck huh?

Yo’ mama is so fat that everyone is starting to become very concerned, because we all love you very much and it hurts to see you do this to yourself. I know you’re in pain, but dad is gone, and you cannot destroy yourself in your desperate attempt to fill the void. Please let us help you, I know it’s hard, but we need you mom, we all need you more than ever.

NEXT WEEK ON “CAPITALIZING ON REAL TRAUMA FOR CASUAL ENTERTAINMENT!”

I mean… a meme shitpost is pretty far off from modern journalism.

Yeah! You become a billionaire by disproportionately profiting off the backs of people you exploit!

Also, a ton of other unethical and sociopathic tactics!

Problem is that something like this doesn’t really hold water against sleeping disorders. Using weed to fall asleep is literally a treatment option often prescribed to people who have sleep problems. I don’t think caffeine tabs are something a doctor would consider if you were having troubles staying awake.

Well I already have the crocs, you see…

Mainly so I don’t have to put real shoes on to take out the trash tbh.