

‘Zoinks Scoobs! They’re showing You on Blorp!’


‘Zoinks Scoobs! They’re showing You on Blorp!’


I spent the day figuring out how to ollie and realising i do have the balance for it, I only managed mini ollies but could reasonable land them. I went out to cool off after what happened earlier today and I feel at least calmer. A bit.
In other things, I read through the 3rd volume of The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn’t A Guy At All and I’m excited for the next volume releasing in a few months.


I’m freaking mad. I finally was able to feel more comfortable being social irl and possibly online again after a messy month and was gonna try to post again on the mega and try to be regular but.
Then a letter rejecting an Autism diagnosis came in for the 3rd time and I just dunno.
I’m mad, I’ve been getting into reading books again and learning skateboarding; even managed to get a haircut and dye my hair again. I’m genuinely wanting to do stuff that’s actually healthy and engaging and keep on it for as long as possible until it just becomes normal to do. Now it all feels pointless because I’ve been stuck trying to get Mental Health Support for 3 years and now nothing.
I have blue hair and pronouns now, I was gonna make a silly joke because i dyed my hair blue and while everything is blue it sounded funny.


I don’t really have much to say on this chapter. I read it at the start of the week so probably need to do a second read to re-examine what I think of this. And probably also ‘Marxism and the National Question’, I need to read the full length of that work, not just the first chapter.
Obligatory mention of outdated language used by Strong that other commentors have mentioned previously.
This book was written roughly a decade after the USSR was formed, and the progress made to uplift different nations and cultures is just impressive. Even if there are still issues that are left over that need time to develop out of.


The Saga of Excellent?
Yeah, that’s probably right.


This was a good chapter to read that explained how Soviet Democracy works and also ended up debunking liberal democracy at the same time. Here the workers decide amongst themselves who their representative is rather than choosing between whatever parties have in the area, and once that’s been confirmed through elections the duty of politics and organising isn’t left to that representative but as a 2 way process between the workers and their representative. Having the means of production in the hands of the workers and peasants actually allows this as there is not a conflict of interest unlike with Capitalism.
Strong describes an account of election commissioners holding elections soon after fishermen had gone out to sea and being denounced for this undemocratic action. And despite this the fishermen crews still organised themselves so they were able to participate via deputies without having to interrupt work.
An industrial plant where less than 95 per cent of the workers come to the election hangs its head in shame as an institution lacking in civic consciousness.
Seeing these 2 accounts and comparing them to the local elections around me really showed the differences between a genuine democracy and whatever farce Capitalism holds up in an attempt to seem democratic. I checked the average voter turnout for local elections in my country over the last 20 years and the highest average mean was: just over 60%. With an average mean between 30-35%.
Seriously? I know its not an exact comparison but here 90 years ago industrial plants, not even whole counties, are unhappy with 95%.
Candidates never make speeches or election promises; this would be considered highly indelicate.
Meanwhile this is the entire premise of liberal elections.
To throw out the Communist Party bodily would be to throw out all the leading and organizing elements in all factories, farms, schools and enterprises; it could clearly be done only by upheaval leading to chaos.
Seeing this near the end of the chapter was a bit disheartening and she’s ended up predicting what happened during the 80s and 90s to the USSR. Pretty miserable combined with Stalin’s prediction during the 7th Plenum: “What would happen if capital succeeded in smashing the Republic of Soviets? There would set in an era of the blackest reaction in all the capitalist and colonial countries, the working class and the oppressed peoples would be seized by the throat, the positions of international communism would be lost.”


I just looked through the Emoji Comm to grab Stalin poses for the edit.
I assume this is his natural form for floating down to visit us for the Reading Group


On to my thoughts for this week
This chapter pretty much explained itself and went into explaining why a revolution is needed, what stages it goes through to consolidate power and how it deals with the possible contradictions of a ‘dictatorship’ that seemingly arise with such rapidly changing conditions.
The word ‘Dictatorship’ as Strong said at the start invokes the image of being dictated to and not oneself dictating. I feel this one word dictatorship has pretty much lost its actual meaning and just means 'evil authoritarian state because of how much its been thrown around to attack Communism and Socialist States.
When dictatorship means the working class dictates what is done to them and also what they will do with the State most of the actions taken by the USSR in its early years makes sense. The material conditions did demand certain actions such as the War Communism Stage to happen, the Bolsheviks needed to have the country functioning to survive the Civil War and Foreign Interventions. It did place a big cost on the People, especially the peasants with grain procurement, but then during NEP and Collectivisation where the interests of the Workers and Peasantry were focused on once the Country was no longer threatened and power was placed in the People via the Soviets.
Third, they took control of schools, press and all means of expression, while encouraging the widest latitude of criticism by workers interested in augmenting or improving the public properties.
I like this, Education under Capitalism is hypocritical in its nature as on one hand it needs educated workers but also can’t have people too critical and educated that they could be a threat to the owning class, resulting in today with functionally illiterate populations (honestly a miserable thing to be aware about). Workers must be able to criticise for their best interests, especially when they are the owning class.



This is what I think everytime I read ‘Hello everynyan, we’re reading This Soviet World.’


Then in Jail we fought with our imprisoned comrades over details of past policies, studying and learning from past errors. Often we found that the mistake of a few words in our theory had cost us a year in prison.
This is pretty much affirming how imprtant re-reading and re-writing anything is. Its important to make sure the point you are making gets across perfectly and to avoid misinterpretation as much as possible. Nothing should really be rushed because the time possibly saved writing may end up lost in the future.
Nadezdha Krupskaya’s ‘What a communist looks like’ set up the rest of the chapter pretty well. Something I found interesting from her article was the second point about how a communist should be aware of everything happening around the world. A Reinforcement from nearly 100 years ago that you need to be aware of the past, present and future of not just your country but also the parts of the world that are ignored by mainstream media.
H. G. Wells interview was a good read and funny to see it mentioned here, probably should re-read it now.
Communists should be walking encyclopedias now, not really but the thought popped into my head. Being extremely knowledge on various subjects is good and should be encouraged, its feel better to know something without having to research at a moments notice.


Manga
I read through The Ghost In The Shell and The Ghost in The Shell - Human Error Processor. Overall they were decent reads but the latter volumes of the first book felt a bit too complicated to understand and likely need a read through again. My main issue with the first manga is that its very much Cyber Cops being brutal and wondering why nobody likes them, they are very oblivious and end up reactionary.
This was really noticeable in Human Error Processor and took away a bit from reading. This was definitely toned down and adjusted in Mamoru Oshii’s film and along the Stand Alone Complex Series/OVA. Which arguably made them better and actually helped with the question of how cyborgs struggle with connecting with their humanity.
Anime
I haven’t really watched much other than on Blorp but I should at least get down my thoughts on Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Disclaimer: Its just going to be the immediate notes I took down after finishing, I haven’t been able to re-watch and would rather not leave it in limbo.
Episodes Rei 1 and 2 imply Shinji and Gendo are similar, only resolved in EoE where its shown both Shinji and Gendo hide themselves away from others due to self hatred (Shinji) or focus on the final goal (Gendo). Rei being described as not good as living, for most of the series she seems to be not shy but disinterested in social contact other than Gendo and Nerv. School is done because she is told to, everything is done because she is told to or possibly because she sees no reason not to do what she was told. Ignoring Gendo in EoE shows she does make her own decisions
Ep 7 shows that Nerv had a bigger plan in the background that was more than simply defeating the Angels. Mostly hidden until the later episodes. Ep 9 made me question who Shinji is, trans possibly in one sense but also why does he carry on in Nerv despite constantly wanting to leave. He is scared, confused and angry but something inside is saying to just carry on, because leaving is worse than carrying on. Being around people who suck to be around is better than being alone.
Ep 12, really shows this. despite potiental death of everyone and maybe themselves, Shinji and the rest refuse a will and successfully stop the Angel. When there is something bigger at state and you are capable of doing it, you will just end up doing it? Smells of the Evas, smells do remind me of the past and people, of events and memories. Its not weird,creepy or perverted necessarily in this context (ep14) that Shinji recognises Rei’s smell and vice versa. Hinting at a connection between the 2 even if they seem completely dis alike.
Shinji and Gendo visiting Yui’s grave. Shinji wants to reconnect with his father and believes he has a bit. Gendo possibly wants to re-connect but knows he shouldn’t.
Shinji’s overconfidence into ignorance annoyed me in ep16, it was a stupid move that well ending up being how that angel was defeated didn’t seem to make Shinji learn anything from his consciousness.
The fourth pilot episodes were fucked up. Throwing a child with no experience to be a pilot, one with a connection to the other pilots, though I don’t really understand. Only for the test to fuck up because of course a full scale sync test is going to be perfectly fine ignoring the massive random variable of a new pilot. The only person who ‘takes responsibility’ is Gendo and by that I mean tells people to kill the Eva ignoring the pilot.
Any rational person doesn’t want to do that but Gendo only cares about his future plans, hinting towards later in the show. then the dummy plug is used and its fucked up because a kill command means kill and completely destroy the Eva and its component, and nobody thinks to change the command to save the pilot.
So yeah, Shinji is traumatised heavily, angry, freaked out but because he showed that through anger and direct threats he is the bad one according to Gendo and Nerv not opposing that makes them guilty as well. Obviously Shinji wants to leave a run but even still he ends up deciding not to after the angel catches up to him and something he is capable of doing means its something he should do. Asuka hating Shinji for leaving is not something I understand yet, possibly her pride in piloting and defeating means she hates people that don’t want to see the end?
400% sync rating and becoming one with the Eva and meeting his mother didn’t do much. Nothing really changed afterwards with Shinji, he just carried on as what he was previously. He hates himself so much that any possible connection with another person or being just does nothing to himself, his only progression through life seems to be others throwing him to the next stage. But its extremely difficult to stop hating yourself in a extremely traumatic situation which is being a Eva pilot, to recover from trauma you need to be away from stress and around safe people who truly care for you and not just patching you up with words of comfort just for the next mission.
Ep22, 23 and Asuka’s pride collapsing due to Shinji’s ‘victories’ over her. She pilots because thats the only thing in her life, for most of her life. When she is ends up piloting to defeat an Angel that ends up using fucked up pyschological attacks its messed up. Sending Rei to defeat the Angel works but breaks Asuka in a way that Gendo and Nerv do not understand or care to understand. Misato does recognise this but can’t act on it.
Kaworu Nagisa. he shows up, connects with Shinji then ‘betrays?’ him then dies. This episode felt a bit ridiculous with the music and the fight scene in the shaft leading to Lilith. But it hints at who Rei is a bit But also that Shinji just is not able to connect with anyone without something happening to interrupt. either external factors or internal problems in himself
Kaji, this guy felt very off. with how he interacts with Misato and Akagi. But with how he also places a firm barrier with Asuka’s massive interest in him. He interacts with Shinji were something, I guess he cares about Shinji in a older Male adult guidance figure way. Helped Shinji decide to pilot Eva in the 400% sync arc. He is working for the opponents of Nerv but I can’t necessarily say he is a bad guy.
Hospital scene in ep25/EoE is just creepy I don’t really understand why he did that other than desparately needing personal vaildation by the one person he has been around the most. Did not realise watching first time he was masturbating. Only saw him shaking Asuka which is creepy, violent touching of an unconscious person is bad.
The attack on Nerv is really creepy, the angels are defeated yet the fight is just about to start. But also shows how precious life is, everyone immediately goes to save the 3 children, sending Asuka out and finding Shinji. Misato dies preventing Shinji from being killed and gets him to the EVA, despite Shinji being incapable of doing anything due to shock
Everyone seems rational so nobody seems truly awful (minus Gendo), but once you step back you realise just how fucked-up the situation is for the pilots, Nerv members and Gendo in that order of sympathy .How the end point of the Instrumentality project and all humans becoming one? Every decision made up till then, their logic in doing them falls apart because what you are doing is ending up in you. There is so much indifference from Nerv to Shinji and Asuka specifically. To the point of neglect and child abuse. They are children neglected in their early lives and need grabbed and told to pilot Evas where their lives depend on them succeeding all the time, then adults scream at them for being children who don’t meet adult expectations. Also Rei too but with how she was raised by Gendo and Nerv its a different form. Raising a child to be used in wtf happened in EoE is fucked up on possibly a irrational scale. Relying on children whoses mothers are part of the Evas they are piloting is messed up, regardless of that it helps with syncing with the Evas and defeating the Angels.
Defeating the Angels is never the point of Neon Genesis Evangelion, its progress to a new stage/evolution of humanity in the show and for the viewers what being human means, how to understand and love yourself while also how refusing to connect fully with others hurts yourself and others.
I can’t really say I like or dislike the characters in the show. I couldn’t really say form a connection with the cast. I definitely hated the actions that many characters do, with some characters most of their actions and decisions. But also they are people in a messed up world fighting to survive against an enemy that can destroy the world. Everyone is doing what they want to do or think best to do but also characters are highly stressed and fucking up because of that. Everyone is basing their decisions off their emotions, some more directly but others have planned it out.
Gendo in the end wants to reconnect with Yui, and all the actions he does is for that.
Shinji bases his actions from his self-hatred
Asuka her pride
Misato her revenge against the angels
Kaji his relationship with Misato
Akagi her relationships with her mother and Gendo?
Rei, I don’t know. She seems to be following Gendo but there is something more.
Overall it was a good show and I understand why its praised so heavily. Probably in the future I’m going to watch the Alternative films that were released afterwards. I understand those films have a different plot and introduce new characters.


A leading Russian Communist said to me a year ago: “The mind of our people is changing so fast under the conditions of socialism that it is becoming increasingly difficult for us to speak to the rest of the world. We find it harder to understand them, and they us”.
Seeing this on the first page struck me as opening with how different people are in a socialist society compared to a capital society; it made me think about how reading socialist theory, books and people’s experiences of socialism does really change you even while living in a capitalist society. That when educating yourself from a radical perspective its difficult to the point of frustration when you are surrounded with media proclaiming capitalism as the only system despite it collapsing around us; and socialism as failed yet the material conditions are constantly proving that socialism is the only system that succeeds.
I think Strong opening on this quote sets up the book to make sure that we are both aware of what socialism is capable of but also that most of the world is still living in capitalist society and to not disconnect from that, especially when living in capitalist countries.
Still got the rest of the first chapter to read, this is just my analysis from the introduction.


I’m interested in joining.
The previous books I’ve read from Anna Louise Strong were very insightful.


♫You’re Out of Touch!♫
♫I’m out of time!♫
♫But I’m of my head when you’re not around!♫
A lot of Astrophysics’ old covers are really good, though they are very different to what he’s done recently.


I played Men of War ages ago and while I was never really good at RTS games and moved on from the genre the first game was interesting enough to even try out a few mods for the game. Vehicles having a proper damage model and not just hitpoints felt way better to use so actually rewarded positioning and using vehicles properly, not just as mobile damage sponges. Plus the ability to control individual soldiers either for combat or stealth focused missions was pretty fun to use (even if I was bad at steath).
I remember one of the early Soviet campaign missions you were given a battleship turret turned 180 degrees to use as part of a defense line, that was definitely one memorable mission.


I went swimming for the first time in literal ages and also after first transitioning. There’s a local trans swim group that I found and the good thing is that it seems to be more or less weekly; I can go as often as I like (Yay). Being in water is fun apart from my hair getting in my face because i didn’t bring a hairband.
I NEED my boobs to be bigger!
They were hardly noticeable under my swim top, Well, not really. I have some curves but I would like a bigger chest pls.


This was my first time trying out Doom Multiplayer and it was really fun. It was a lot of sliding around sometimes at an uncontrollable mach speed and either getting kills or getting killed, often repeatedly. Aiming was a bit weird not having up or down but seems to rely on the terrain moving you up and down, and thus your weapon and map knowledge to gain frags. It definitely got more chaotic as more players were in the match, and rounds started ending quicker with more players.
Overall was very fun and would be good to see the other gamemodes other than deathmatch, I’m curious to see how team based gamemodes play out in Doom 2.


Thank you!


Finish the art piece with some changes. https://hexbear.net/post/8782437
Finally got to read this chapter this week.
Was a good read into how Communists actually worked and organised both in their local area and also with the rest of the country. There was a lot of work that party members had to do both within party work and also their everyday jobs in their area. The amount of knowledge, both of theory and practical, was required but also to be able to connect with the locals you are interacting with everyday. It certainly isn’t a job for somebody who only cares for being in power, it is a job where you dedicated yourself to the workers without expecting anything in return.
I liked the mention of Stalin’s article ‘Dizzy with Success’. I read that when first looking into theory and looking through some of Stalin’s works and definitely helped understand who Stalin was. Somebody who was dedicated to the USSR and Socialism. Who wanted to see the whole country and its people prosper, not some dictator amassing power.