Research says involuntary celibate men make “fundamental errors” about what women want in a partner.

  • shiroininja@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    7
    arrow-down
    11
    ·
    10 months ago

    it’s on them to fix themselves. not society. I’m alone, divorced, but I still don’t blame women or society. that’s the incel’s problem: lack of personal accountability, entitlement to a woman, society blaming.

    it takes two to make a relationship, and I’m tired of my fellow man being offended at having to work at having a relationship

    • barsoap@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      10 months ago

      So in one, direct, uninterrupted, comment chain we went from

      No but it can absolutely be a trauma response.

      to

      it’s on them to fix themselves.

      Geez lemmy.

        • barsoap@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          1
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          edit-2
          10 months ago

          Ah I see and because it’s their responsibility they shall not have any help dealing with it. This just in: Having ADHD is your responsibility, therefore, no Aderall for anyone.

          Them being incels is also not the fault of the medical system, but it’s still the medical system’s responsibility to help incels to develop responsibility. It is the fault of society at large that incels are incels – noone is born one – so it’s even more the responsibility of society at large to help them get rid of that bullshit. Both for the incel’s and society’s sake. Or are you yourself too alienated from everything, too atomised, to recognise that? Well by your own logic that’d be your responsibility to fix, no need for me to even mention it you can do it on your own.

          • shiroininja@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            10 months ago

            wow, you’re greatly misunderstanding what I said. I said it’s their responsibility to seek help, get meds, get therapy, and actually take their meds. You can’t force someone to better themselves. you will always fail unless they put in effort. And with incels, most I’ve met don’t see anything wrong with their thinking, so they won’t seek help.

            I’ve had to put in a lot of work to manage my mental illness. It is my and only my responsibility to make sure I take my meds everyday and to maintain healthy habits that keep my mind functioning properly. Nobody can physically do that for me. Education on better choices? sure. but actually do the work to not be a shithead, that’s on me. It’s like getting sober. It’s a lot of work, and you have to put in effort. It won’t happen for you, no matter how many treatment centers you go to.

            • barsoap@lemm.ee
              link
              fedilink
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              edit-2
              10 months ago

              No I understood you just fine. If that’s how you wanted to be understood from the start you should have started out with saying what you did say now and not condense it down to

              it’s on them to fix themselves. not society.

              We’ve all heard the “personal responsibility” spiel so often usually it means “fuck you got mine”. And it’s not like you’re saying anything new on the accepting therapy side – that goes without saying when we’re talking that there should be therapy. Then, there’s indeed ways to coax people into accepting help, I’ve been talking about that with others elsewhere in the thread, meanwhile you’re standing there bogging it down to “it’s on them”. No. Not good enough. That’s an excuse, an excuse to later on throw up your hands and say “well they couldn’t be helped”, you know, the exact opposite of taking responsibility. “We’ve tried nothing and are all out of ideas”.

          • shiroininja@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            2
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            10 months ago

            of course, what I mean is it’s up to them to seek it. Make it available, but it will forever be their responsibility to come to the couch.