Often mistakenly referred to as choking, sexual strangulation in the mainstream is new. It has arrived into the bedrooms of young people via online porn which has become part of life, one of the many addictive services generously provided by tech companies making billions of dollars. Some companies do a good job of cleaning up the urgent issues of child sexual abuse material and trafficking, but still, violent porn proliferates.
Research that has analysed thousands of randomly chosen videos from popular pornographic websites found that physical aggression like strangulation, slapping and hair-pulling was present in 35-45% of scenes, depending on the website.
It’s important to be wary of clutching our pearls about porn here – there is no evidence to suggest that watching ethical porn results in an upswing in violent behaviour, but research released last year by the Australian Institute of Criminology does indeed show that more frequent intentional viewing of violent pornography is associated with a “small but statistically significant” increase in violence against women by men after they watched violent porn.
Some other facts to make you weep: sexual strangulation is now thought to be the second most common cause of strokes in women under 40 in the UK. It can lead to seizures, brain damage, memory issues, depression, anxiety. Two years ago an Australian study found that more than half of 4,700 people aged between 18 and 35 had engaged in sexual strangulation. A majority of them, 61%, had seen it depicted in porn. Others had seen it in movies, talked about it with friends.
You look at your sweet prepubescent boy child and think he is definitely the only child on the planet not being exposed too early to things he definitely shouldn’t see. He is. They are. Not talking about it is no longer an option.
This last line here is the most important. But it assumes parents know what the hell they’re talking about when it comes to kink, consent and boundaries. Most of the people around my age are just as clueless as teenagers about it.
There needs to be a total overhaul in how we treat sex in North America. It’s way too taboo in most households to inspire any kind of productive discussion.
Most of the people around my age are just as clueless as teenagers about it.
I was soundly criticized by multiple people on Lemmy for my stance that recording someone having sex without their consent is wrong the other day. There’s a dire lack of understanding around consent and boundaries that I thought we had improved on since the 2010s. It’s been incredibly disappointing to realize.
My son’s father is the type to allow him access to the internet with very little oversight. It’s a Pandora’s box that I can’t close, but I watch things with him, keep the conversation open, look up the streamers he’s interested in so I can guide his understanding of what he’s consuming. It takes time and commitment and emotional resilience though. It’s hard.
Choking is so dangerous that I won’t even engage in it during sex. And I’m kinky as all hell and a domme to boot.
I missed that thread. I’ll validate you. If, during sex, you do it, whatever it is, without partner consent, then you’re among the worst kinds of human being. Trash.
<3
I’m still blown away that a lot of people here thought a fourteen year old can consent to getting raped.
Lemmycels will upvote anything from rape to genocide if you didn’t sound rude saying it.
I was soundly criticized by multiple people on Lemmy for my stance that recording someone having sex without their consent is wrong the other day.
I think that is likely less about discussion and more about entitlement–people are making a conscious or unconscious choice to ignore consent. And men especially are very defensive about protecting their entitlement in this space if videogames are anything to go by. Sounds like a bad day on lemmy for you, though, sorry about that.
I absolutely love how you’re raising your son.
I saw that thread, it was a nightmare. People are fucking weird about cheating here and it scares me what they think is justified if a partner cheats.
But good on you for taking an interest with the kiddo. My parents took no interest in the internet and I saw some stuff way too early with no one but peers my age to talk about it with. I think a few open conversations would have helped immensely.
To the point, I have choked partners at their request, but I put limits on how hard and how long. I check in constantly. If they want more, they can find someone else. It’s a situation where everyone involved needs to be sober, aware and have strong boundaries.
And good on you for being a responsible sex partner! I forget, I think there was an acronym used often that I don’t see as much anymore in the kink world - safe, sane, and something? I should do some searching to find it again. But it was really shorthand for what you said there in the last sentence, everyone sober, aware, and respecting and having strong boundaries.
Edit: Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) is the phrase I was thinking of - used to be really popular in the kink communities
I hadn’t heard that one, but I never got too far into the kink community. Where I used to live they were kinda elitist, which goes against the whole spirit of being sexually intrepid in the first place. That’s a good thing to pass around, though.
I’m just a nerd who needs to study up on everything I do, even if it’s choking someone for sexual gratification.
Household wants internet contract. Contacts ISP. ISP asks “are there children?”, if yes, provide router with parental controls by default (literally just configured with adguard dns server with blocks to porn and other nasty sites). Fully configurable to appease the “this is censorship” crowd. Would also immediatly null phishing and other scam attempts. Why is this so hard.
Because ISPs don’t give a shit unless the government makes them, and the people (corporations) lobbying for child safety laws aren’t doing it for the children.
This is so precious when I’m bombarded with ISP ads that became more like propaganda shorts on warm and fuzzy family life or life events and how they’re always there for us.
