IDK. I know this is almost a week after you posted this. So for all I know you probably feel different now than you did last week. But I was crawling around and saw this thread, and still figured maybe it would be worthwhile to say something. Thread sounds a lot like the Thought Cabinet in Disco Elysium, when Harry Du Bois thinks over communism.

“0.000% of Communism has been built. Evil child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit-eating grin. All he has managed to do is make himself sad. He is starting to suspect Kras Mazov fucked him over personally with his socio-economic theory. It has, however, made him into a very, very smart boy with something like a university degree in Truth. Instead of building Communism, he now builds a precise model of this grotesque, duplicitous world.”

The existential, and frankly eldritch, horror of fighting against capitalism is a very real and understandable thing. You’re not alone, you are seen, and you are one of many who are building the precise model of this grotesque, duplicitous world for the sake of reverse-engineering and reconstruction. Just, not everyone who is doing so are doing so super publicly, or in spaces we necessarily inhabit. I could ramble on and on and on, in fact I had to cut what I typed here down to about half of what I wrote for the sake of not being uh, overwhelming.

I am demoralized too because it feels like the one thing Americans will never give up on is their provincial chauvinist attitude, Americans will be living in tents among the rusting hulks of their empty fuel tank F-150s catching vermin to eat and the main entertainment will be telling stories about how much worse it is in China

It’s okay to take breaks comrade 🫂 this shit is draining, especially so when liberals think they have won and everything will be fine now. Focus on yourself for a while, do well in college, meet people you love and love them.

sorry bout that, it’s just that there’s no possible alternative to funneling all human activity into wealth for a handful of loathsome shitheads

Organizing is highly draining even for people who tend to thrive on extended days of social interaction. One of the most important parts of organizing is figuring out how to make it sustainable for yourself, i.e. avoid burnout, and it still happens to everyone. Completely normal feelings. Give yourself grace and figure out how you’ll get yourself back out there in a sustainable way once the burnout wanes.

This is a totally normal way to feel, burn out is very real and until you find a group of comrades to organize with who are aligned it is really hard to manage. I spent years working with organizations just so I could be organizing, even though they weren’t explicitly ML, since that didn’t exist in my area yet. doing that long enough helped me meet enough like minded people to create what we were all looking for and that changed everything. Organizing became rejuvenating and inspiring instead of a sisyphyian curse

I feel that. Had some shit happen to me last week that brought out a disdain towards people I haven’t felt in a very long time. I’ve been helping people as much possible my entire adult life, and I’m fucking done with it.

This entire city could be nuked and I’d cheer, I’d be upset about a few people but no I genuinely hate these people and don’t care what happens to them anymore. I don’t think there’s any hope of re-education for Americans anymore, and if there is they sure as fuck don’t deserve it. If I’m alive for the fascists to start targeting everyday people like they target trans people, I don’t care anymore