Teto belly 🥺

This art is quite good! Pretty baller angle, the outfit designs are all really good, and damn Ruby’s got some sick ahh kicks.

All good yo, no biggie. Hope your weekend is better than your week! I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to write this review, it’s rather helpful.

Re: Airships. Oh fuck you’re right, I completely forgot about that. I’m not even sure the premise of the initiation drop-in works with the airships they have, unless like, they’re getting booted out or something. I’ll have to sit on that, either do some retconning (i.e rewrites), or make it a plot point later.

Re: Tense is my weakest aspect. I keep fucking it up (_　_。)

Re: Key. Absolutely fair point, I’ll have to work that in somehow.

Re: Chapter end. Hey, I never promised it was good fanfiction. Matter of fact, I specifically stated otherwise. Fuck the laws of narrative, I am the narrative! Also the Teto appearance is because I like Teto as a character; her team involves Miku and Neru, two other vocaloids, and a third completely unrelated person because I’m a vocaloid fan larper and only know those three. I was considering adding parts about the planned other two characters of Haru’s team, but it ended up as a side story (WIP, will be put here when done). Mainly because the focus of the story is Haru and Yusha, while the other two are more or less random OCs (one from me {also an ffxiv character} and the other from my yuri consultant). I might eventually work them in to the story more concretely, but the main characters are Haru and Yusha. As for the chapter overall being kinda not much, I mean fair. I kind of struggled on how to get Haru to find her banner while also setting up character stuff (If you want the details, I’ll include them below in a spoiler tag), but it ended up falling flat all around I think, with just her running amok the entire chapter. Not really sure what I was doing/thinking. Then again… taps sign that says shitty fanfiction. I mean, fucking Teto is in the story. Lol.

The truth is, though, that I’m not much of a long-form author. Most of the things I’ve written have, on average, been like at most 4 pages. I think the longest piece of short form I’ve written extended to about 14 pages? I’d have to double check. Anyways the point is that this is my second foray into long form content (my first foray is absolute dog shit, like it sucks, badly, but hey 200+ pages!). So, I’m liable to fumble around a lot and not have things quite on a leash, especially since I’m more or less a garden author, which means I just start writing and writing and write into a fog until the story is done dragging me where it wants to.

Edit: Also I’m pretty sure that I wrote most of the beginning chapters without any structure, which is to say I was just writing, not focusing on making good break points between each chapter. Chapter format came after the fact, which is also something I’m not great at.

Oh god

I think I’m gonna be sick

I have, and do often drink black tea. Not enough caffeine content though.

I also drink tea fairly often. Not as regularly as coffee, but often. Usually black with a dollop of honey.

Yes

You’re right I don’t, I hate the bitterness of black coffee, hence why I drink pale coffee.

I do, on occasion, drink energy drinks, but they’re a lot more intense than coffee imo, and tea is too weak.

I’m broke and that machine was a rescue. My brother showed me once how to use a French press but my impression of it was that it took more effort than “4 tbsp of grounds into a filter. 24oz of water, push button.”

Nah that’s my house. What’s a pourover?

Re; Yellow trailer’s fight choreography and ending. I’m actually of the opposite opinion lol; I though the fights were more or less ok, but we’ve seen in other trailers (and even in that one) people flying around all over the place and executing insane, unreal maneuvers. Meanwhile, the fight with the malachite twins felt so low profile in comparison. I can appreciate the footwork and movements (esp when she takes out the second twin); don’t get me wrong, the animation and choreography are great, it just feels out of sync with the other trailers and other parts of the fight. As for the ending, I actually really like it. It pretty quickly establishes Ruby’s and Yang’s relationships, and Ruby’s personality as well. It’s a cute moment if nothing else.

Re: the lore. They had no clue what they were doing with the story when they launched the trailers. As much as I love and miss Monty and his work, he and the others had no plan. In Red, they put Ruby in front of a grave because they thought it would look cool, with no plan for why she’s in front of it; someone suggested it to be her mom as a throwaway comment and the authors just said “yeah that’s cool.” I mostly consider the trailers to be all pseudocanon as a result.

Yeesh, didn’t realize Before the Dawn was so shit. Should I even bother reading it? I was looking to official RWBY books for inspiration/understanding how to write RWBY fiction before deciding to just do my own thing after finishing After the Fall.

Also gross. Some of the mainstay writers of RWBY and the side stories are pretty obviously bad people. A long ass video I once watched on YT about RWBY went into it a bit.

I’m curious on your second point. Could you elaborate?

Red trailer so good it’s still doing better numbers than entire volumes.

Yeah that’s fair about Roman and Pyrrha. One of those “die a good character or live long enough to become a bad one” moments.

Re: The trailers. I agree for all except Yellow trailer. Red is a phenomenal piece of animation, music, and fight choreography, and my favorite trailer. I don’t particularly like White, purely from preference (not a fan of Weiss or her fighting style); the trailer itself is, from a technical perspective, quite good. Black had some story beats in it, which was nice, and Blake’s original fighting style is so good (plus we get Adam the Aura farmer). Yellow… well, I liked the reload animation. The dialogue and character actions are… let’s just say the correct answer to a child suggesting to kiss and make up is not to say ok and lean forward.

Man, what a character. Can’t help but feel like the authors didn’t know what to do with them.

I lowkey miss Roman, he was funny. V1-3 RWBY was really best RWBY.

This and that other Grimm one is probably some of the best RWBY art I’ve seen.

I don’t quite understand the message

I also like black tea! for me, it’s a dollop of honey. no milk, I actually rather hate the taste of black tea with milk.

Nah, judge away. I’m basically a coffee heretic. I get complaints all the time that my coffee’s too pale because of the amount of creamer I put it. My mother judges me for it too, and I use chocolate chips to make mochas.

Here’s hoping I do get better! Thanks again for the help. By the way, when you do 18g of grounds, is that equivalent to one shot of espresso? I speak in terms of how cafes here in America define a shot of espresso, I suppose, though I’m not sure if there’s such thing as a “shot” of espresso.