Yessss, thank you<3

i really really wish i looked more androgenous. I hate how people think they know me from what they see, but equally i do not wish to submit for their verification or dance for their amusement and least of all hide for their comfort. this flu is kicking my ass i feel like i am in a claymation special

have a bad flu thing, just awful and the world seems like deeply unreal and the news isnt helping with that idk. idk

Thank you very much, I’m glad I’m finding a return to music pleasant and helpful, my anxieties before diving back in were immense in a way that seems very silly now that I’ve recorded a song and the world didn’t end lol

Some of y’all here encouraged me to produce more music. I bought a hulusi and taught myself some basics and recorded it, sampled it and turned the whole thing into a meditative loop. I really mean it when i say the small amount of encouragement i get here has been crucial over these past few horrible months and without it I wouldn’t be pushing myself towards music again.

Here is the song i made today if you care to listen

Cool so my doctors are saying there’s just literally no other sleep medications that they’re willing to try and if I want anything besides essentially Benadryl or Benadryl with a slightly different name I’m going to have to Shell out to a different specialist The shit sucks I’m so sick of it. None of these doctors listen none of them remotely care it’s a cold world where no one wants to help and if they do their hands are completely bound Every night it feels like it takes a thousand years to pass because I wake up over and over and over again and have to restart the process and never actually get deep sleep or rest I just wait for the sun to be back up and for me to be unable to try and start the process again. im thank ful for the sleep i do get but it ist restful at all, just scrambles my brain up for a little then back to pain and confusion

I hate December so much. Always been my worst month, jan and feb aint great but at least there isnt an all out gaslighting campaign that i am supposed to be happy no matter what.

I am feeling so alone and hopeless in this world. Like i was only born to bear witness to suffering. If we are the universe experiencing itself this chapter is about pain, discord, and confusion.

its a good thing i have been to the left of mao for decades because i can see how interacting with the identity politics poisoned nu-left causes the unaligned to go to the right. These people on tumblr and bluesky are insufferable idiots and do more harm than good. i become very despondent, like this is the result of a cause being successfully castrated. America is fucked (good) but the people in it are too (mostly bad).

SHOW’NTELPRO a syllabic abbreviation derived from Show andtelligence Program, was a series of covert and illegal projects conducted between 1956 and 1971 by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) aimed at displaying the cool toys i got for Christmas to my kindergarten class

nah they are nothing crazy at all, there are just some people out there who can’t handle any spice whatsoever. oddly enough all the people ive know who are like ‘hot sauce people’ have been white guys who say bullshit about Scovilles and theorycraft hot-one’s line-ups.

300 was one of the most fun theater watches, just full force stupid for 90 minutes

If you talk shit about reading Infinite Jest I judge you for being incurious and borderline illiterate. Its a good book with a lot of sincere love and understanding for people. If it had released in 4 parts instead of one large book it would be considered one of the greatest examinations of depression and compassion in a setting that was satirical and is now just life. If you are considering reading it i really recommend you do. it hits differently as you age too. RIP bandana boy

i wish i was a hollowskull ipad baby just screaming in the restaurant. ruining every date. scream scream SCREAM, haha

i looked at one sign and read, 5pc for $9 and i thought, damn is this shit for real, then i saw the other sign and nah nothing is real anymore, the chucky cheese horror parody that an oddly large number of people wat to fuck for some reason, is part of a fried chicken deal from a nawleans themed fast food joint. all of this shit is nonsense and i wanna wake up

garlic parm tenders though…。。。

imagine what we could have if he reprised the titular role of Martin. I’d kill to see his Sheneneh

if these walls could suck…

I feeeeel you big time. Sleep problems have me short-fused as fuck and forgetting important nouns.

I am so sick of seeing people just say any old bullshit about China. It is so fucking annoying that moronic us citizens who have never left heir shitty little corner of the world. Don’t know shit about shit besides which funko pop misprint boxes are worth double. Somehow still thinks they are an expert on China because they can parrot some nonsense their worst uncle made up from facts he also didn’t know. Slavering at the mouth to call it west taiwan, genuinely believing they aren’t being played. It is so transparent and sad.

this is why we need to ban the filibuster