WASHINGTON — In a stunning instance of miscommunication between departments, ICE agents have deported Venezuelan dictator Nicolás Maduro back to Venezuela just hours after he was abducted by the DEA. “ICE is simply doing its job and keeping America safe,” said a defensive Kristi Noem when reached for comment. “I don’t know how the liberal media is trying to spin this, but Maduro is a bad hombre. He is a dangerous man, has known ties to drug cartels, and has absolutely no legal right to be in the United States. Adios, buster!” The move has been met with strong criticism from the rest of Trump’s cabinet, most vocally from RFK, who reportedly had high hopes that Maduro could “Hook it up with some Molly.”

WASHINGTON — In a stunning instance of miscommunication between departments, ICE agents have deported Venezuelan dictator Nicolás Maduro back to Venezuela just hours after he was abducted by the DEA.

“ICE is simply doing its job and keeping America safe from world leaders,” said a defensive Kristi Noem. “I don’t know how the liberal media is trying to spin this, but Maduro is a bad hombre. He is a dangerous man, has known ties to drug cartels, and has absolutely no legal right to be captured in the United States. Adios, buster!”

The move has been met with strong criticism from the rest of Trump’s cabinet, most vocally from RFK Jr., who reportedly had high hopes that Maduro could “Hook it up with some Molly.”

This is a breaking story, and we’ll have more as it develops.