This is normalized already. I would call out a friend or relative for these things. I do hold people close to me accountable for things I deem “poor behavior”.
But also, how normalized should it be to judge people? Your coworker doesn’t show up to church every Sunday? Shun them at work. Found out a new friend doesn’t see their family because they used to have substance abuse problems? Cut them off. Neighbors don’t speak English? Call ice. Your friend converted to Islam and now wears a hijab? Confront her husband.
I’m sure this will get downvoted, but I just wanna point out that people all have different values and openly judging or criticizing people for their lives can lead to the sorts of echo chambers and social bubbles we see today.
i’d hope you don’t get downvoted for pointing out the obvious.
people seem to think the internet is real life and forget that ‘progressive social media posters’ probably make up 1% of the population and then never leave the house on top of that. in real life, i’ve met more rabid skunks that quote oscar wilde.
Ostracizing used to work because we needed community. Now they will just go on the Internet and find hundreds if not thousands pro approve what they’re doing.
And whatever the “village” did for a person can be bought with money. And people don’t really do free work for you anyway, maybe your immediate family but that’s about it. So people are more and more individualistic.
While I agree that it’s lost a lot of its power. Social pressure is still good at making people uncomfortable in the current setting. And can pressure them into leaving or avoiding that situation in the future.
The balls of someone bringing their side piece to a BBQ. There are families and friends that wouldn’t call out that shit? I mean I get one or two but a whole BBQ of ppl?
That’s a stupid take. If you ‘normalize shaming’ (which, to be fair, is quite common nowadays unfortunately) for things you don’t agree with, you will make your own life miserable, and people will hate you for a good reason.
Sure you should talk to friends and family when you see them acting problematic, nothing wrong with that. But shaming people for things you THINK you understand (when you most certainly don’t) is the fastest way to push people away.
“side piece” being problematic in itself, there are many who would use this wrongly.
A family who sees someone with a partner they don’t approve of, the extremely religious not accepting divorce/remarriage etc
Don’t worry, a lot of these people are already very vocal about this, they don’t need some post online to start being shitty.
And isn’t the entire internet just a giant indifferent shaming machine now? Like I get the desire to right wrongs and whatnot but it’s not like the general consensus around cheating or being a deadbeat is positive.
It’s a correct take if you have an audience of strangers though. So it’s not that bad when it comes from a social media post like this.
Calling out behavior is better at shaping a community than moderation behind closed doors
Exactly. Ethics can differ. Of course you can say something privately if there is a real problem, but this is some 1950s bullshit I don’t want to go back to
dude the '50s people just gossipied behind eachothers backs, and hid any problematic behaivor under a rug so no one found out.
Their silence on real issues is why generational trauma keeps going.
what you mean go back to that shit? calling it out is the exact opposite of the fifties.
Yes, that’s true, but I meant about restrictive social norms. One person’s reprehensible norm breaking is another person’s struggle for recognition. But you’re right, publicly calling out stuff is not what I meant
for example, a poly couple would be shamed in the 50’s, or anything not heteronormative. I see what you mean
Shame was from the beginning of man kind one of the most powerful tools of the community/ society to hedge in antisocial behaviors.
This being said there first needs to be sentient consensus on what is anti social behavior shared within the affected community… and that’s what we’re apparently lacking currently. Robbing millions of americans of the means to life peaceful and fullfilling lives and raping kids seems to acceptable to at least a third of the population.
Married people bring sude pieces to family events? Thats fucking wild. Not terribly surprising, but wild.
I used to work with a married guy who brought his girlfriend to company parties. He was so open about it, I wondered if his wife knew and was okay with it.
I work with a guy and him and his wife are definitely in an open relationship, I barely know the guy and I’m fully aware of this fact however there are people that have worked with this guy for nearly a decade and they whisper about it, like yeah she knows, y’all are idiots.
Work parties also seems super weird, but bbq makes me think friends and family. Of course if the married couple is open or whatever then sure.
Are side pieces affairs? I thought about an extra piece for the bbq, like a sausage or a side dish :|
'Murica
That aint normal in Murica. At least not at the bbqs I go to.
If we all did this the narcissists would have no power left
They would still have their manosphere podcasts
So it’s actually gender discrimination.
I feel bad for them
They can use my razor blades to end their suffering
It’s the least I can offer those poor, tragic souls
this is a great sentiment if everyone around you is rational, intelligent and sophisticated. but they’re fucking not.
my mother terrorized my sister and i as children and everyone in the family knew about the abuse. but she’s ok.
me? i don’t get invited to the family BBQs because i experimented with psychedelics.
I can’t even imagine NOT saying a LOT of stuff if someone in my family I knew was in a monogamous relationship brought someone they were cheating with to a family function. I’d immediately tell on them then tell them I told on them right after and if they didn’t leave right away I’d be grilling them both until they did, what else even is there to do?? Just sit there and act like it’s normal? How??
Many people are terrified of being uncomfortable and confrontation
Certain members of my family would come after me for “causing trouble” if I called someone out like that. They’d be like “you should really deal with that sort of thing privately. Like yes he was in the wrong but you could’ve handled that better.” Luckily, the rest of my family would then go after those certain family members for saying that
Point is, a lot of people were raised with tbe mentality that they need to preserve the family dignity and image and calling out someone for doing something objectively wrong is worse bc it calls even more attention to it. Getting out of that mentality is difficult. Still fucked up tho
Edit for clarity
What family dignity is there when you’re openly cheating on your partner though??
It seem backwards right? But my mothers side is like this. its a different line of thinking.
They were mad when I told on my stepfather for molesting my sister. Like, both familes were mad at me for getting my sister out of a really dangerous sistuation. He might have killed her had I not spoken up. It was bad bad. And my whole ass family responded by not trusting me anymore, and treating me even more like shit. Why?
Because at least on my mothers side, they had been hiding my grandfathers transgressions which included raping his daughters decades prior. Took me a decade to work it out. Thats why they didnt trust me. I expose secrets that harm people, secrets they didnt want revealed about the family, and heaven forbid you protect your children, the neighbors might gossip. Its a paralell to a pig with lipstick on. But as long as everyone only sees the lipstick, they can go on being pigs. They believe the lie, because the lie is outwardly appearing as truth.
and everyone goes along with the lie that things are “normal and fine” until a truth teller comes. then they hate you for disturbing thier truth (lie).
That’s so sad, I’m glad kid/teen you was able to see through the family norms for your sister. Big ups.
Hey communists, when your ideas are forced it always produces authoritarianism and mass death. (I’m just following the meme’s instructions).
Voluntary communes generally fail too, but at least they don’t result in millions of deaths. If you want communism, you are free to find a group of like minded people, pool resources to buy land and give it a try. Please keep me out of it.
Lmao brother can see a meme about not letting people be pieces of shit and has to make it about an actual non-issue to feel like the victim 🫵🤣
Someone feeling called out in the post?
Okay, but only for reprehensible behavior. Don’t shame them because they’re poor or because they’re having mental health issues.
First thing to do is talking. Then act according to their response
Also, if you’ve ever said “how I raise my kids is my business”, you might be a shit parent
Depends on context, too. Counter-point, for example: “You let your boy wear pink? He’s gonna be a sissy.” “You should take your kids to the church the rest of us go to.” “She/he’s too young/old to do ___.” I could imagine a few good reasons to tell people to mind their own business.
But yeah, we’ve really got to look at ourselves in the mirror frequently and make sure we’re not just shutting out constructive criticism. Brains adapt, and that can rationalize bad things.
I’d love for someone to talk shit at me for bringing my partner instead of my wife to something.
They’d get told to eat shit from 3 different people lol
And then we can reinstate witch trials.
You feeling called-out there, champ?
Yeah, until they’re called out on THEIR shit…
This is a victimizer’s mentality. Abuser’s rationalize their bad behavior by internalizing the idea that everyone behaviors as badly as they do, so it’s only fair. Cheaters think everyone is cheating. Child abusers believe everyone is a closeted child abuser. Wallstreet bros think everyone would sell their mother for a quick buck…
Do it. Call everyone out on their bullshit. Call me out, do it.
