context

I don’t know what part of my boundary was equivocal.

Really, all I see it as is that they are invalidating queerness so much that they think a boundary based on queerness is totally valid for them to ignore.

I don’t even know what to do.

cw: sa/mental health

they have a r*pist mentality, and honestly, the helplessness I feel comes so close that being in this situation reminds me of how distressed I felt during my SA. It honestly led me to tears right now. I hate how trauma from that literally had to be reignited just because my grandparents can’t respect boundaries.

Oddly enough, they tried to use one of my uncles as a proxy a few days ago. They did this to ask me if I want Christmas lunch with them. I told them “No,” but they still came. This is undoubtedly a r*pist mentality.

  • anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.mlEnglish
    9·
    3 days ago

    Were restraining orders (or orders of protection etc.) easily available in your area?

    If not, other options might include security cameras or peepholes on the front door. Some people ask who it is through the door too. These are the lower cost options I’m thinking of, higher cost involve moving and name changes with white page delisting and such.

    At some point their behavior has to constitute harassment/stalking I imagine, I just don’t know what that point is for different regions.

    Edit:

    cw: sa/mental health

    For what it’s worth you’re absolutely right that they have an SA mindset. I remember reading years ago a paper saying that the number one predictor of SA was entitlement, and their behavior reeks of entitlement.

    I don’t know what the right answer is for you but I hope there’s a way to get your boundaries enforced at no further cost to yourself ✊️

    Also some DV shelters might have resources and experts who might be able to help. This could potentially fall under their purview as well given the lengths this has gone.

  • Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
    10·
    3 days ago

    they are invalidating queerness so much that they think a boundary based on queerness is totally valid for them to ignore

    pretty much. people who don’t respect you are never going to respect your boundaries. add old people feeling like children (read: anyone younger than them) are just property + family entitlement and you have a shit sundae. my only recommendation is that being stoic and firm can sometimes see better results than your more explosive options (which will inevitably be taken as a tantrum/sign of immaturity and used to invalidate your feelings)

    but realistically, you are probably unfortunately just going to have to endure them flagrantly disregarding your desires and plan to go full no contact entirely when you eventually find a new place.

  • booty [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    10·
    3 days ago

    With people like this you really cannot do anything but go fully nuclear on them. Any time you are unwillingly forced into indirect contact with them (like through proxies or whatever) you should make it certain that if you see these people you will immediately call the police. Then if you ever see these people, immediately call the police. Tell them you’re being stalked, that you have no interest in any interaction with the individuals who are currently insisting on making contact with you, and that you have made that fact clear.

    Of course the police won’t give a fuck but they might get the message at that point. And if they don’t, then a long enough paper trail may eventually get the system to make them leave you the fuck alone by force.