Okay, so It’s my first post. I don’t know if this count as NSFW but just in case I’ll put a spoiler.
Tap for spoiler
So… today i felt something that I had never felt before a big dysphoria crisis when my wife started to be a bit intimate with me.
I won’t go into details, but basically I never though that my bottom part would cause me this feeling. I ended up crying because of what I felt… I can’t really put words on it…
I never felt that before when I was still an egg. (Well, some things were less enjoyable but never this).
I don’t really know what to think about it, why did my body react this way. Even though I never though about any surgery about it.
Even yesterday, I thought like I don’t understand why some people would have dysphoria about their genitals. I though that we need to deconstruct gender and we can be feminine or masculine with any organs and this hits me like a slap I’m the face.
I feel foolish.
I’ll add to the pile. I wasn’t like super sure or at least didn’t have a plan when I was first starting, then it hit me like a truck after just a few months on HRT.
I think I even made a post on Lemmy about it. Possibly very drunkenly. Such is life.
If you feel foolish, then I wouldn’t worry! Hah, this journey has certainly made me feel like an idiot a few times, but actually starting to accept and even like myself a bit has been so beautiful, I can excuse my early (and sometimes ongoing) foolishness. It’s okay not to know, it’s okay to need time to figure it out, it’s okay to change your mind!
I also didn’t feel any bottom dysphoria before I started medical transition, mostly indifference. Once the more pressing issues (like being perceived as a man socially) were resolved, bottom dysphoria started getting worse and worse until it was the only thing I could think about. I feel like my dysphoria in other areas didn’t resolve but rather shifted toward bottom dysphoria. So there’s definitely a component of “understanding” dysphoria before you can feel it, I guess?
I didn’t really know what I was feeling and why I was having issues like not being able to maintain erections even when I was aroused by my partner. It finally hit me what it was and it continued to get more disruptive until I finally decided to get bottom surgery. But for me that part was physical as well as social dysphoria. Some only experience one or the other or other variations.
Exactly the reason I’m scrolling here, bottom dysphoria is hitting hard right now and I’ll come here to lighten the load.
This is super relatable for a lot of trans women. Trust me you are not alone in this.
It is something complex and can hit you like an emotional equivalent of a truck. There’s no shame in letting your emotions go. You felt what you felt and that’s valid. You’re doing a great job in processing it by writing it down.
Let us know if you want to talk about it more
I thought I was apathetic about My penis too, but it turns out I just didn’t want a vagina. So I got genital nullification surgery. Now I have neither.
I go to the shops in leggings and to the beach in a bikini. I feel confident wearing miniskirts. I’m happier.
Sis just know that you aren’t alone. I thought I didn’t have bottom dysphoria… until it hit me.
It sucks an it’s unfair. But at least you aren’t alone <3
Thank you for sharing. That has got to be such a shock. I can’t imagine how you must have felt.
I’m about a year on HRT, and I’ve been starting to feel some longing toward having female parts. I’m worried the same thing will happen to me.
Is it inappropriate to ask if I can PM you about this?
That’s fine with me, you can.
I found I didn’t have the bandwidth to feel (or perhaps notice?) dysphoria about certain things until I’d taken care of the “higher priority” stuff first.
