I recently freed my 8 year old human child from a gap in the couch.
Went on date last night. Ended up back at my place, had to put Dave in the yard he was being so hyper.
Dammit, I knew I forgot something.
I do recall that my coworker’s son got himself wedged between the stove and fridge, so #3 is plausible for Human-Jennifer.
Which reminds me… The best thing about giving your pet people names, is eventually somebody with that name will become a fixture in your life and then you get to refer to them as “Human Dave” and still call the pet Dave.
These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Human David Hoffman He works in my dad's store He's worked here for 12 years He'll probably work here for more These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Human Dave Gort I've known since I was six In grade eight he broke his leg So we got drunk and sick These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Some of them are Davids [Human Dave Gort: But most of us are Human Daves] They all have their own hands But they come from different moms These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Dave Jadiski Man, this cat can swing He weighs almost 50 pounds And he delivers my paper on time These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know Human Dave Capisano I hardly know him These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know These are the Daves I know, I know These are the Daves I know
My cousin’s dog is named Grandpa and saying things like “I’m trying to get Grandpa not to lick his balls” or “Grandpa keeps eating shit in the backyard” just never is not funny
Marcus lost his shit again.
I bet there are chuckles from people who know.
Every millenial ever: human names for pets, pet names for humans.
Dog:
Dave
Their literal son, fruit of their loins; their flesh and blood:
Rett
My sister didn’t really get the concept of names for pets when we were younger. We won some rabbits from a fair once and I named mine Licorice and she named hers Sarah. I’ll never forget the horrified look on my friend’s face when my mom once casually told my sister to, “Take some food out to Sarah’s pen, she’s been kicking at the bars all day!”
Aww, I too had a bunny named Licorice.
That’s why I always assume people are talking about their dogs.
Sam just graduated from college and Mary is finishing high school
Me: wow, they have to be so smart! What breed are they?
I love this! Thanks for sharing
Reminds me of this Brooklyn Nine-Nine cold open about “Kelly”.
How dare you ask that!
- When they get out of the house and you’re screaming their name out on the street, a human name sounds like some terrible drama.
“Kelly! Kelly, come back! Come here, girl! Kelly, where are you? Kelly, I’ve got treats!”
I told Justin if he didn’t behave, he’d have to sleep in the garage again. He’s only four, but he has to learn.
Billy took to pissing all over the walls, so we had to have him killed.
Be humane… say “euthanized”
Eh, better eu than I, Zed.
Making up demon names is fun and whimsical. Neth’sin the Ethereal Tormentor likes chin scratches, will rip strangers to shreds, and sometimes defiles laundry.
I caught David humping his sister again.
