Eating.
I’ve always liked to eat. And I haven’t been impoverished for years now. But even though I was only homeless and impoverished for a little over a year, it destroyed my relationship with food.
If I have food in front of me, I have to eat it. My brain is convinced I might not have anything else to eat for an unknown amount of time and so I need to eat as much as I can while it’s available.
I can recognize that this is not true, and actively stop myself. But it’s an active intervention every time, and it’s exhausting.
I grew up the exact way you’re describing. It’s a struggle I’m working on right now. Best of luck to
My grandmother grew up during the great depression. We’re not the worst off, yet, my twin works at a grocery so we get a discount. But that shit was passed down to me. I can’t not finish food. Especially if it tastes good, my brain is just EAT NOW EAT BEFORE GONE and man. Fucks a body up.
Same. I grew up poor so when we had food, we ate. Now I have a good job, decent income, and I over eat all the time. Currently doing low carb (again) to lose the weight I’ve put on. I’ve had eating disorders my entire 49 years, or at least as far back as I can remember.
For me it’s the sound of rain on a rooftop. First thing is internal panic as I wonder if all the buckets are in place, and dreading the prospect of discovering a new leak. Then wondering how long before the roof collapses. Worrying about how I could possibly cough up the money for a new roof, and worrying about being forced to suddenly move out into a bad situation… again.
I wasn’t even consciously aware I felt this exact way until I read this comment, living in a shitbox where it rains 160 days of the year will do a number on you
Fyi, that’s not necessarily a money thing. I’ve liven in a relatively well off family, went to an apartment in the good/expensive neighbourhood of town. House was old tho, and we has to suffer through reparations. Issues with the reparations, resulting in repeated amount of leaks.
Now I live on the second floor of 4 and the sound of rain and drops of water on the handrail and window borders that are transmitted via walls when I’m on the bed make me go panic mode. I know I’m fine, I know that it’s outside, but fuck. I hate this.
Just being comfortable and peaceful when nothing is evidently wrong. People taking things for granted bothers me because I can’t. Permanent fight or flight.
I was talking to a friend years ago and I mentioned this same thing. I tried and couldn’t imagine feeling relaxed even if I won the lotto or something. We were wondering how long it would take to relax, if ever.
I think your brain would have to rewire and maybe some heavy therapy but idk.
Mostly everything. Poverty prevents most leisurely activities, and can provoke depression, which compounds and prevents one from even wanting to do things they’ve traditionally enjoyed. Vicious cycle.
I can’t afford any Lego sets I want anymore 😭
Omg, do you remember as a kid thinking “When I’m an adult I’ll have the money to get really into lego - i’ll have a seperste room for it and displays and storsge systems, and I’ll be able to buy all the sets i need”
Well, i’m waiting on being able to afford my own place. I’ll still be waiting on that for a while. And I’m waiting on being able to afford my own new lego sets, lol. Haven’t treated this as an achievable goal in many years
And then you get older, and have a wife, mortgage, job, divorce, cancer, lose your job, and you’re too depressed to enjoy anything, and all my Lego is packed away and I haven’t even looked at in over ten years. Or is that just me?
Traveling to cities.
These days I can’t think of a time I haven’t gone into a city and seen people begging at intersections, signs with sad stories, etc. Really wish there was more I could do to help them get back on their feet but also have to be weary of the fact that some of them are just posing and scamming.
but also have to be weary of the fact that some of them are just posing and scamming.
The amount of people doing this is infinitesimal compared to the actual homeless population. This is basically a right-wing talking point to undercut empathy with people who are experiencing homelessness.
Also you should never feel bad for not giving a panhandler money, but if you feel called to do more, just find an organization to volunteer with. There are people facing homelessness right now or in the near future in every urban and rural area in the US
And lots/most of them aren’t.
Just to offer my own anecdotal experience, in all the homeless people I’ve given care packages to (info on how to make your own here), I’m fairly positive none of them were faking it, since it’s pretty difficult to fake sun burns, sun tanned leather-like skin, missing teeth, etc.
I’ve only had one person turn down a care package (which have no promise of money in them), and that’s only because he already had enough supplies at the moment and couldn’t carry more (he also wasn’t asking for anything or holding a sign, I just offered).
The rest were very clearly extremely grateful just to receive shelf stable food, water/flavored drinks and some toiletries.
All that to say, most are not faking it (especially with how many people are losing access to housing due to how insanely expensive it is now, plus all other cost of living), and it is very much worth assuming the best instead.
panhandlers may not even be actually poor themselves, and some actually refuse to work or get help(the worst ones are probably upper middle class with no job), that delegitimizes the actual downtrodden people.
I’m not sure why you’re downvoted.
I live in a country where I make roughly 85€ per day. My job is close to a mall in a touristy area and there is this woman, clearly foreign-looking (adds to the “I can’t work” aesthetic), begging with a little board claiming she has 4 kids and needs to feed them.
Thousands of people walk into and out of that mall every day, and I’ve seen that woman get money from begging several times, 5€ bills and shit.
Months later she’s still there. Makes me wonder, with that amount of money people are handing out, she’s probably making more money than me in a day just from sitting on her ass.
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Spending money in pretty much any capacity. My financial situation is a good bit better than before; so I do have money to spend on non-essentials, but it’s a struggle every time.
Last week me and my partner went to an aquarium, it was $50 a head for admission. I paid the $100 and spent the next 10 mins pretending to enjoy the aquarium while I ran the numbers in my head to make sure this expense wasn’t going to be the end of me. The anxiety never really went away and as we left I checked my bank account and my budget. I still had like $600 of unallocated funds.
Every time my friends want to do anything that would cost me over $20, I’m apprehensive and I get serious anxiety if I spend $20+ more than like 3 times a week. It’s exhausting.
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Ah unfortunately that would require a place more substantial than a small bedroom in my dad’s apartment 40 minutes out in the boonies. So I have to essentially wait for my ADHD friends to make plans at their bigger places, which is pretty infrequent since they’re way more happy just hanging out on discord every night than I am.
How do you feel about D&D?
Hopefully the D&D community won’t hate me for this, but my experience with it is that everyone involved wants to be the main character. Everyone has to be quirky and have some kind of bit and it invariably slows any progress and makes the entire experience a drag.
ah, that’s tough. what I’ve done in a similar situation is get the group together to have a chat about the best place to hang out and give people roles to fulfill. that way hangouts go smoothly and everybody is happy with the contributions and effort from everybody else.
also, I am decently financially secure now, and I still get anxious when I spend more than 20 bucks a few times a week. it just goes away more quickly when I can justify it. but I still don’t like to “waste” money on impermanent things like overpriced dinners or activity tickets to something I could have done at home.
what I can say is that a friend group that hangs out, even remotely, on a regular and frequent routine is a pretty great thing. it gets harder as you get older and people’s families and responsibilities grow especially if you’re in different cities
Holidays. I’m 50 and I have absolutely come to hate them. Can’t really afford to celebrate or get gifts, so I resent them for existing and I hate hearing about others’ pleasant experiences with them.
Last year when I was hitting the food bank so I could survive, an obscenely rich friend sent me a text message “I’m heading for a 2 week cruise this Christmas, where are you going?”
“I’m heading for a 2 week cruise this Christmas, where are you going?”
going to your house to eat the food sitting around while you’re at sea.
She buys a full $32 cut fruit platter, eats one chunk of pineapple, puts platter in fridge until it rots into slime and then has her maid discard it. She’ll buy a 12 pack of bagels, eat a quarter of ONE bagel and throw the other 11 straight into the trash.
Really.
gross
also maybe… mental health issues. throwing away 11 after not being thrilled by one seems…
No. Just ludicrously rich as her father started a nation-wide retail giant. She’s never worked a day in her life, upwards of $60M in personal assets. Utterly delusional as it relates to how the world works and how others live. Buying an entire X, having one bite and throwing the rest out is her default.
I’m so very glad my dad can go for cruises, but I’m so tired of hearing about them. heh
Taking days off work. My housemate works from home so when I’m off I still have to be respectful of that fact and not do anything too loud when he’s on the phone. Wouldn’t be an issue if I could afford to live alone. Also just never being able to be really alone because they never seem to go out while I’m home fucking sucks.
Do you and your housemate pay the same rent for the space? Not trying to start anything, just curious how that part of the deal works out.
No, he owns the place and I am renting half the basement and he’s giving me a very good deal. Like I would have been pretty fucked if he had not come along and offered it when he did. I also don’t really think it’s unreasonable to not be loud and annoying when you’re sharing space with people. There’s just times where it’s like “damn I wish I could just use my circular saw right now instead of waiting for the afternoon” or shit like that. It is what it is. It’s more frustrating that I’ve been working and advancing in my field for 15 years now and still can’t afford a fucking house of my own than anything he’s doing.
yeah no sounds like a decent deal and you’re a kickass house mate to have, I also WFH so I have often wondered about how a roomate/housemate relationship would work from a business / financial perspective, appreciate the data point.
I feel your pain about the career aspect, also 15 years in my field and I have a spouse… So I get it - doubt I would of partnered up if I had been able to afford living expenses on my own. (I love my spouse and I am overall happy, I just think I may have made different choices in a different set of circumstances).
Playing video games. I have no time or patience anymore to enjoy playing, it just feels like I’m wasting my time and losing money. I’m not in poverty, but most of my waking hours during the week days are spent working. I feel like to do a lot of things I used to enjoy I would have to be paid to do it.
Spent the past decade too poor to pursue romantic interests, led to me ruining two potential relationships by being so stressed about not being able to provide even enough for myself, let alone supporting or going out on dates with another person.
Sitting on a bench watching the world go by. Now I have to hold a sign and keep my sleeping bag dry too.
Earth.
Gardening.
I just liked that I could grow things but now if I have a bad year where something doesnt grow it means more stuff to buy and I don’t feel like I can try planting something that might not grow well just to try it.
Also concerts.
Didnt have the money for them my whole life until recently and now they are overpriced, impossible to figure out logistically with Ticketmaster and when you go its mostly wealthy people sitting and not dancing or seemingly enjoying themselves past the overpriced drinks.Just a thought. The concert goers might be more of an audience age bias than a whole cocnert trend. I’m guessing you’re seeing older bands from your younger days. Their audience is aging the same as you. Might be a venue thing as well, with currently-touring older bands drawing larger crowds, necessitating larger venues that come with more seats and less pit. I saw Rob Zombie at a mid-size venue and the crowd was pretty tame. Same for Disturbed. Meanwhile, I saw Jinjer at a small venue with no seats and the crowd was rocking. Not much of a pit, but far from dead. Same for Highly Suspect, though no pit at all as everyone crowded to the stage. All 4 were after 2020, for reference
Hahahaha… Oh no… Oh. No. From my younger days? I go back a decade and I’m in high school, and the bands I listened to then were all dead already (Journey, Eagles, Jim Croce)
No I saw Mammoth recently and 3 people were bobbing their head in the front and there were people sitting on the floor in the back.
Basically true for AJR, and others. Only true pit experience I got was The Wrecks who split the audience in 3 groups to make us compete against each other and then ran around trying to find people in the audience to dance with, but even then it was the minority position to dance.
Nearly everything.
