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i wonder what tends to happen when theres no man for them to sexistly prioritize
to those of u here in the comments who live in households without men, what does happen? what have you experienced?
My lesbian coworker who looks like a teen once told me that the repair person met her and her wife, and they thought they were sisters, and asked for their dad.
I’m building a rehearsal room from scratch. The builder showed up, spoke mostly to my father, ignoring me. They’re ageist too. And the builder was closer in age to me, which is hilarious
Can offer a living example. My wife made all the major decisions in the house, but also worked for a medium sized contractor and was persnickety about details I didn’t at all understand.
How much of this is the contractors being sexists and how much is it them being used to, far too often, having to manage the fragile ego of a male partner who thinks that “as the man of the house I’m suppose to know these things”?
And how much is it society having conditioned women into “oh I don’t know anything about that” when it comes to anything technical, including home repairs and such so they don’t even try to pay attention? Because I’ve encountered women of all ages who are impressed to hear a woman could do anything considered a man’s job traditionally. It’s a sort of learned helplessness to the point some think they need a man’s help to put together IKEA furniture. Not because they’re incapable of doing it but because they’ve been taught that they’re incapable of doing it.
Gender stereotyping is a vicious cycle (multiple cycles even) and definitelly goes through both genders.
Mind you, in my experience it does have some cultural component to how far it goes, but even in the most gender-egalitarian country I lived in (The Netherlands) there were still plenty such expectations and, for example, before the remote working era the percentage of couples there with a huisman (the male version of housewife) was only 18%.
To be clear, she doesn’t need to be the technical one to be the one in charge of the decisions.
That’s where you actively go “Woah, better spread those handshakes around. If the boss don’t sign off on the plans, my word means nothing!” You give them an out. If they’re sexist, they may engage with an “heh heh, I know how it is, women!” but if they’re cautious they will hopefully just go to being professionally cordial with your partner.
Whilst I’m not sure about contractors specifically, at least in my technical area “Software Development” having the expertise/insight in the social domain (which is not part of the expertise required for the job) to do things like that is more the exception than the rule.
But, yeah, totally agree that the wise, well-rounded and (IMHO) competent professional would at the very least do a bit of subtle “social discovery” to try and figure out who is the best person the interface with.
Given how frequently it happens even with no male partners or it continues despite the male partner saying to talk to the wife about, I’m am gonna guess it’s pretty uncommon to be the primary factor.
My mom tries to get rid of salesman by deferring to my dad, who then immediately folds to whatever BS the salesman throws his way. He was damn close to signing up to pay someone to put solar panels on their house which he would then also have to also pay for the electricity generated by those panels until I re-stated it to him and was like “do you not see how fucking stupid that sounds? What are you getting out of this?”
That’s a terrible way to get rid of salesmen.
Well the idea is that he be an asshole like he usually is to everyone else, but for whatever reason he’s nice to some of the most annoying dickheads on the planet.
Sounds like he’s maintaining maximum assholishness in creative ways. 😄
Is this one of those traditional boomer trapped in marriage situations, or does he have good points?
They get along very well. They’re just both really self centered. Typical boomer shit.
I imagine it’s a lot of both
As the husband in such situations, I find this very frustrating from a practical perspective.
Guy comes over to install some tech. Me and my wife are both home. I’m working, she’s doing chores. She knows her stuff and did the research, I very clearly don’t know shit about fuck. Guy looks for me every time he has a question. The answer is always “I don’t know, but my wife does”. After I tell him this, he still doesn’t ask her, just makes a decision on his own, so I have to drop everything and get her to make sure he doesn’t fuck things up. At one point, I had to ask my wife to physically stand next to the dude so that he wouldn’t interrupt an important meeting. She later told me he still tried to look for me.
When we need repairs or some kind of work done, I have to be the one making the call because I’m less likely to be ripped off or treated rudely. And since I’m dumb, I have to prepare for these calls because they sometimes cross-examine you with terms I never even heard of. In the middle of a busy workday, while my wife has the time and the know-how. We share household tasks with my wife as equally as possible, I’m just stuck with this.
Female contractors popped up in the area recently. I instantly chose them every time. No such issues.
I’d be tempted to play dumb and keep saying we need a bigger discount until the guy gives up and talks to my wife about the project.
The Rom and Leeta gambit I approve
Why the hell did you let that jackass keep working
Because the others we asked quotes from were worse. They didn’t just ignore my wife’s specs, they deliberately went against them, offering a build we didn’t actually want.
Then again, this is my experience with 99% of contractors where I live, so I’ve also sort of given up.
IMO, if you’re a homeowner, DIY skills are non-negotiable. At least one person per household should know how to get things done so there’s no need to involve contractors in any but the most extreme cases.
Absolutely! But you should also know your limits - I don’t fuck with gas and mains electricity for safety reasons. Flooding the house is fine in my book, so I only call the plumber if someone has a gun to my head lol
I did the dumbest thing I’ve ever done last fall, on a house I own but don’t occupy yet. It didn’t really turn cold enough for the furnace until November, when I went over the get the 40-year-old thing running again so my pipes didn’t freeze. The heating system uses hot water and radiators and periodically needs to have the water flushed out to work properly. I opened the stopcocks but nothing came out right away, so I closed and re-opened them a few times and then forgot which positions were open or closed. I then went home and it turns out I had left the cocks open.
Came back the next morning to ten inches of water in the basement. I have a sump pump but I had forgotten to plug it in. Had to walk barefoot through freezing cold water to plug it back in and at least it emptied out the basement in about 45 minutes. My front yard was hilariously soaked.
It’s air that you’re flushing out 😅 water is doing the pushing
No, it’s competence that I’m flushing out.
There’s actually quite a bit of rust and sludge that I need to get out of the lines in addition to the air. Yes, this system is not long for this world.
Yeah. Most contractors are so bad at communicating that I went to trade school so I could work on my own stuff.
It sucks working with people who don’t value so-called “soft skills” and also spend so much time arguing about stupid shit.
My sister went through 3 potential builders before she found one that would even address her rather than her husband.
She, the extremely qualified, professional architect who works restoring ancient buildings and who’s name is on the structural plans and diagrams as the engineer picked the first people who could identify that her husband couldn’t tell a hammer from a screwdriver.
I never noticed how sexism is so ingrained in the people of my country until I married a foreigner that doesn’t speak the language.
Obviously every interaction needs to go through me so I can translate to him, but people refuse to look at me when interacting, always talking to him first, even after they see he doesn’t understand them.
This happens in places as simple as grocery stores, cashiers will always try to talk to him first. It’s the same with almost every other service we encounter. It was a weird thing to find out as an adult.
“weird” is not the first word that comes to mind for me about this.
Had that with a carpenter who was bidding for the new windows in a friends apartment. I was there as a visitor for a completely unrelated reason when he showed up and only looked at me and never talked to her while answering her questions.
Boy, did she drop him from the list of possible contractors.
Went along with a friend when she went car shopping, had a nice lady sales rep, really knew her stuff. They were close to signing and the assistant manager comes over and sends the rep my friend was dealing with away. Guess he thought he would swoop in and seal the deal, take all the glory…and the commission.
Guy refused to look at or speak to my friend, everything was directed at me. Got to the point where I asked quite loud why he was speaking to me, I have nothing to do with the sale. He STILL wouldn’t look at or speak to my friend. So we left.
Friend went back a few days later to see if the lady rep was there. Apparently the assistant manager’s shenanigans were being watched by someone from the regional office, and he’d got himself shit-canned from the largest dealer group in the country. Love to see it.The last time I went car shopping, it was as the ride for my carless roommate (we were dating, but he introduced me to the car rep as his ride and roommate). He ended up talking to a manager about a car and the manager kept bad-mouthing my car, talking about how unsafe it was, etc. I just kept knitting next to him because the whole situation was not my problem, but I was confused until my roommate said pointedly “you’re not going to get my roommate’s car as a trade-in”. I got up to help myself to their snacks and coffee.
He did not get a car from that dealership.
When I sold cars I was explicitly told to never ignore the wife and if I did it was an immediate deal killer.
In job interviews, we pay attention to if the applicant gives eye contact and engages with the female staff members.
It’s a red flag when they don’t.
I had a boss who bought a car from the dealership across the road out of spite after a sales guy did that. Deal killer might be an understatement.
Guy who owns both dealerships: “Mwah ha ha my plot worked again!”
Good for your boss… and good for the couples who wouldn’t put up with that!
I work on boats but got the same advice. Often the wife sits to the side and I try to draw her into the conversation and ask her opinion.
My wife gave me the advice as she always points out when I’m talking to someone and they don’t look at her. To be fair, it often happens to me when she’s talking to people, and I’m glad I was made aware of how rude it is.
Work is being done by a professional, that is how you should know it is my partner to speak to, not me. If it was me I would be happy with the 5 layers of duct tape applied while I was drunk and have been perfectly serviceable for months now.
Don’t worry - this fix is just temporary ^(unless it works)
Had a salesman with a roofing company at my house with my wife while I was at work. He wouldn’t let her sign the contract without me there when I literally don’t care. Put a fuckin rainbow roof on it for all I care. This is a company we had worked with in the past with no issue.
It just came off super sexist, and really gave me the ick. We don’t work with them anymore.
In all fairness I have had a contractor come and do a quote when my wife wasnt home make a time and come back when we would both be home, talk the whole thing over with both of us and have us both sign. “Everyone needs to be in agreement, once we start work any miscommunications can be a nightmare to unravel” that being said if you cant/wont/dont communicate that well that is still shitting the bed.
Sounds like buddy had been burned before lol
I was taught you first greet the women present and only then the men, because that is the gentlemanly thing to do. But alas, I was also taught to respect women and people in general.
If you respect them equally then why is there an order of operations?
Why are there quotas for women and PoCs in some companies? To get rid of a bad social tradition you have to actively work to undermine it until this work isn’t needed anymore.
But honestly, it’s just because I have been taught to be a gentleman to women by my mother. I do think though that they have SO much shit to deal with in our society, it’s okay to value them a little more than men now and then.
Group hug.
Any married guy with an NFT profile pic is no longer in access to the family accounts
The wife is in charge of all finances after the husband spent $12,000 on an NFT profile pic
I shake men’s hands and not women’s because women never ask Me for handshakes, and I don’t like giving them. I only do it with men because they’re so needy and touch starved that they think touching sweaty feelers is a good time.
I only do it with men because they’re so needy and touch starved that they think touching sweaty feelers is a good time.
Umm, no. We do it because we’re taught to from a young age. It’s considered necessary in certain social situations. I don’t even like them much myself, but I’ve found the older I get I will offer them up because I know that’s called for by the social scenario I’m in
If you feel this strongly about handshakes there are definitely many regions around the globe to avoid. Some places handshake an absurd amount.
Most of the time I avoid handshakes with a vulcan salute or as fist bump
Over here men shake hands but not women, it’s just how things are (unless in a professional setting). So you just say hi from a distance or wave your hand. I hate it but I can’t overturn a whole cultural standard by myself.
